The Everyday Awesome Project
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The Everyday Awesome Project
55: Win Stacking: Generating Real Impact For Lasting Change
This weeks episode with Coaches Sam & Polly centers on the concept of making sustainable changes by stacking positive impacts in manageable increments. To get yourself where you want to be in this new year requires self awareness, self compassion, and self investment. Listeners are encouraged in this session to embrace course corrections, cultivate supportive environments, and practice small but consistent wins as they navigate the journey toward their goals.
• Discussion on New Year's resolutions and National Quitters Day
• Importance of course corrections in achieving goals
• Identity change as a catalyst for lasting transformation
• Personal anecdotes illustrating shifts in self-perception
• Environmental influences on behavior and mindset
• Practical steps for stacking small wins to build trust
• The role of courage and vulnerability in the change process
• Encouragement to practice self-compassion throughout the journey
Follow Coach Polly @getbusythriving and Coach Sam @thesamanthapruitt
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hey superstars.
Samantha Pruitt:Welcome back Polly here and Sam. What's up?
Polly Mertens:beautiful humans yo yo, good morning. Good morning, my dear. It's good to connect and um, I love that you've proposed this topic to us. What are we up to today?
Samantha Pruitt:well, it's the new year and and so everybody is about, as per usual, new Year's resolutions and looking for change in their life. Right, what we're going to talk about specifically is stackable, stackable, stackable positive impact, which, of course, stacking positive impact will create change, but it's the action. We want to see people taking action and stacking these wins for change.
Polly Mertens:Yes, Awesome, awesome.
Samantha Pruitt:And just a little differently.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, and you know one of the things I just want to layer this in when we did an episode about this time last year, you know, speaking of resolutions, we mentioned in that episode about National Quitters Day.
Samantha Pruitt:right, oh yeah, oh, isn't it tragic. That's even a thing, it's a thing.
Polly Mertens:Well, I think we all know either we've been the victim of our own, you know, giving up on our resolutions over our lifetime, or we've known people and there was a when I looked it up to see what the date was and it said people are trying to move it to course correction day.
Samantha Pruitt:Politically correct? Yeah, course correction is how would you explain that to the person who's made a resolution gets two weeks or three weeks down the pipeline and falls off the wagon?
Polly Mertens:Yeah Well, last year the theme of our year was like the pivot year, right, and so pivoting is about and one of my great mentors would say correct and continue, correct and continue. That's something that was beaten into my head is like you know I think I've said this in another episode about, like the space shuttle, when it takes off of Earth and it heads towards the moon or its destination, it's off course, like 99.97% of the time. It's constantly micro course corrections all the way to the moon, right.
Samantha Pruitt:That's cool, that's a great analogy.
Polly Mertens:But it's still going to get to the moon. It's like, oh no, we're off course. Oh, just let it go, We'll just let it end up in Jupiter or whatever.
Samantha Pruitt:You know, I watch a lot of documentaries of adventurous humans and for some reason I the last couple months I've seen a lot of water related, maybe because I was training for army. I'm doing all that swimming, but open water swimmers and also people doing sailing and boating adventures and stuff like that Same thing. There is no one way through the ocean across the planet, whether you're going there in your body or in a boat, to get to the other side, to the destination, to the goal, to the target. Yeah, constant course correcting, that's just life.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, and one one analogy I like to use. When my clients would come to me with habit change or whatnot and we've talked about this before I was like we like, oh yeah, we could just change on a dime like a speedboat. You know, you're just cruising through life. You got this bird, I'm just going to course correct. I want to go over here now. Right, yeah, you want to get to a new destination. But our life tends to be, you know, because we have this thing called the subconscious mind that is largely running the show. Right, it's built on old paradigms, old beliefs, a lot of, you know, habituated things that we've indoctrinated into it. It's more like a cruise liner. It moves a little more gently than a speedboat, right? And so when you don't, when you see that you're off course or whatnot, you're not trying to change it or make it wrong that it's a little off course, like, yeah, we're just going to gently keep guiding it, yeah and just reminding people before we get into the weeds here.
Samantha Pruitt:It's an inside job, people 100 100 nothing happens without you, the person doing all the things. Nobody's doing this for you. This is your life, your body, your brain.
Polly Mertens:Get on board, let's get started darling, and I want you to kick us off with a vision and a compelling future yeah, so one of my favorite things about creating lasting, sustainable, stacked change is it like the root of it is identity change. Right, and so if you just think you're going to change one thing about your life and you're going to leave, you know, with your old identity, it's just, if you want lasting change and if it's something we're not just talking about like you know, I want to floss at night I'm talking about, like, a change in your life that will have a big impact on your life. You want to change a career or a relationship that aren't working, or your health, or something like that, a little bit bigger than just the small, tiny little habits. But in order to do that, it's often the last thing changing needs to start with a change in identity, as you said, the inner work of how we see ourselves. And so when we have what Tony Robbins likes to call a blueprint, which is stacks of beliefs, the way that we should be, the things that you know create the life that we have, and we have pain or frustration, or our life doesn't feel like it's working is like we probably have an old blueprint at. You know, at play here, it's like oh, like I had one. I'll just give an example for me.
Polly Mertens:I got frustrated with my mom and relationship with her, and I had this paradigm like to be a good daughter, right, and so wherever that came from, we don't need to go into that but, like I had this, like running the show behind the scenes of my subconscious was oh, I have to be a good daughter, be a good daughter, and it created a lot of frustration for me with expectations I was trying to meet up to. You know how many times I should see her and how I should care for her and I should call her and communication and all this stuff, and I would get this frustration and just angst because it wasn't workable, right, and so, either, I needed to change, I needed to get on board with being a good daughter. But instead I took out that old belief and I examined it and I went I'm living under this blueprint that I think I've inherited, you know, from our society, about being good daughter, and I was just living as if that's how I wanted my role in my relationship to be with my mom. And I said, wait a minute, if that wasn't true, if I examine that and I say that's not, you know, I took it apart, said what about it, do I like and what do I want to keep?
Polly Mertens:Created a new compelling future, compelling vision that served me, hopefully served her better as well, and then I live into that right, and so part of what I'm saying is, if your blueprint is out of date and you're feeling the frustration because you're trying to live into a role or something that should do whatever, maybe it's not even true for you so examine it, take it out and then reinvent right and so creating ultimately the compelling future that you want. It's like I want a loving relationship with myself and my mom's in my life. Not, you know, she's the focus of my world, if you will. And if I don't have a, if I'm not meeting these expectations, I think I should have deemed by quote society, then I'm not being a good daughter, broke it all apart.
Samantha Pruitt:So I think I was talking about a couple of things in there at the same time, so yeah, I have an example that just happened yesterday, talking with a woman who has two young kids, married, professional gal, and she found out I was an iron woman and basically it was just like I just, you know, kind of couldn't comprehend all the things. And I said, well, have you ever in yourself been a runner or swimmer or biker? And she's like, oh yeah, when I was younger I rode a bike and I actually did a triathlon once. And blah, blah, and I was like, okay, you're a triathlete. Like this isn't leaps and bounds.
Samantha Pruitt:And then we had this conversation for about half an hour about how she had shifted her identity from being a active, fit, athletic, you know, young person and then college years, into a married, professional mother. And now this was my identity and I'm now stuck in this identity until these kids grow up. I'm like, no, I don't think so. I mean, first of all, that's who you are. You've already had some of these experiences. They're in there, right, doesn't matter how long ago. Lots of people used to be athletic when they were younger. They still have those capabilities in midlife and older. But abandoning an identity and moving into another identity, like now I'm a mother, so this is what I'll be doing with all my spare time.
Samantha Pruitt:You know, I really challenged her to examine this sense of fixed boxed identity for this junction in her life.
Samantha Pruitt:And then, you know, at the end of the conversation and this only really took about 30 minutes she was going home to dust off her old road bike and start riding and consider doing the Palm Spring Century that's happening in February, or at least doing the 25 miler. Yeah, and I was so stoked for her and it's funny because her kids were running around and the husband would sort of walk by and why is he still talking to this lady and like it was just this interesting space we were in, um, but then when he kind of came back, I said, hey, she's dusting off her bike, she's going to go on a bike ride this weekend. He's like you are, you know, but it was cool, like just to see the shift and it was very. Sometimes it doesn't take much for people to have a moment, to have a moment, and we're just inviting the audience right now to have a moment to reflect on past identities, current identities and compelling future identities.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, and it starts with noticing. You know, oftentimes, you know, I'm not sure what had her start that conversation with you. I don't know. You know, oftentimes our coaching clients come with a big pain or a big frustration. You know, like there's like something is unworkable in their life, right Like out of shape or not making money I have to tell you what started the conversation.
Samantha Pruitt:She was looking at the bike jerseys and the the the outfits in this retail environment that had bike clothing apparel and she's like, oh, that's so cute. I'm like, well, you should get one. She's like, well, I don't ride a bike anymore, so I can't get the bike jersey. That's what started the conversation. Oh, hell, no, I don't know.
Polly Mertens:You and me lady, anyway, going in, going in, going in, didn't even know. She's like I'm just here doing a little shopping.
Samantha Pruitt:Didn't know you're going to run into coach Sam like intervention in the middle of a store, a grocery store, careful people, sam at a coffee shop, she'll get on you. Yeah, now it's REI interventions, watch out, anyway. Okay. So how do? How do our audience, how do they build a compelling future for themselves, compelling vision?
Polly Mertens:Well, you know, there's many different ways you can start this, so one of them is something I've done before is like oftentimes are well, your little scenario is more reflective, you know. It's like oh, I remember a time when I already did that Right, and so that was easy for her to go. I really enjoyed being a biker or reminiscing about something like that. The other obvious way is like you make a list of the things that aren't working in that area of your life. You could say, like you know, I can't walk up a flight of stairs, or I can't play with my kids, or you know, whatever the pain points are, and oftentimes the compelling future is just on the other side of that. So then what would be your? It starts to help you mold or inform what the compelling future looks like.
Samantha Pruitt:So so let's say you're broke. You know, people who have come out of these holidays spent too much money, racked up credit cards. I'm basically talking about 95% of the population and now we're in January and the bills are gonna start rolling in and cash is gonna get really tight and it's super uncomfortable and it feels like crap and it's a lack of freedom. What's a compelling vision that somebody could build to get themselves out of that?
Polly Mertens:You know, it really depends on each person, right? So some people that might just be like, oh, I paid off my credit card in January, like it might be simple, right, but some people it might be they need to allocate. You know, like I said, each one is custom tailored to where that person is, so it's them defining for themselves. Well, where do I want to be? Like this mountain of debt and you know I've been in mountains of debt before and it I mean it's like months, months. You know I'm a paid my credit card every month kind of person. I don't carry debt, but I had.
Polly Mertens:I did have a period of time where I did some bad investments and then I anyway, so yeah, and so away at it. Right, that's one area, that's one way you can do it, but it's really defined by um, you know, when you and I've done the wheel of life with people, right, you can kind of look at that area of your life and you, just by examining it, by just sitting with yourself and going, what doesn't feel good in this area? Is it my spiritual connection is weak? Is it my I'm not spending time on, on self investing? Is it I want to learn a new skill Is it? I want to create deeper relationships and connection with people.
Polly Mertens:It's often right below the surface what they really want, right, because they wouldn't feel the friction in their body if, if they weren't clear with it. It's like okay, and sometimes you know, being asked by a coach, you know what would that give you, or why do you want that, or why do you want that? You know, sometimes just a few additional whys will tell you where you're going and why you want something. The how.
Polly Mertens:That's just as varied as a bird as a bird and I, like you know, I like visual for a lot of people because we are highly influenced by our environment. So, having people you know I've done vision boards for years um, having something on your phone, you know, if you're like, oh, I want to take a trip or I want to have like I used to send my beloved um pictures every morning of, you know, sweet pictures of people in relationship, you know, so it like created that bond and that repetition, like reinforcing like you know I care about you and stuff, right, so whatever works best for them, but often visual. I see people, you know, put up signs around their house or their office or whatever that reinforces where you're going. Right, you know, if you want to be in that future, you know, and then they can get. You can trickle it down into daily rituals and morning processes. You know I used to do in my morning process going into that life experience and embodying it. So you know, you sit for a few minutes and you just feel like there's this.
Polly Mertens:Greg Braden is a beautiful teacher and he and Joe Dispenza have created the HeartMath Institute and one of their processes that Greg Brayden talks about is he was taught by some shamans in rural I think it was New Mexico, on an Indian reservation and he has this thing. There's a video online you can go to Greg Brayden and it's called Pray for Rain. Right, and what the shaman taught him was they were having massive droughts in this time in New Mexico and the shaman was like, hey, why don't you come up the mountain with me and I'm going to do a Pray for Rain ceremony and we'll help our area heal? You know, bring water to our crops and stuff like that. So Great Braden hikes up with him and they go to this. You know, bring water to our crops and stuff like that. So Greg Braden hikes up with him and they go to this. You know sacred area. And he goes okay, I'm just gonna, you know, do the ceremony. He walks away from. He says Greg was like it felt, like it was like less than five minutes. He's back. He's like, okay, you want to get a sandwich. He's like what the hell? What did you just do? And he goes well, tell me me. He goes. Did so? Did you ask for rain? He's like no, no, you don't ask for rain. He goes.
Polly Mertens:I sat in the experience of rain. He's like I, I felt rain coming down on the ground and playing in puddles and you know, feeling rain on my skin and you know, and so it's the prayer, for rain is like you experience it. You get what you are, not what you want, right, it's beautiful. Yeah, so that's a little sidebar, but, like in your experience of your compelling future, it's like if you see yourself traveling to far off places, like, what would that feel like? Can you imagine yourself on the plane? Can you imagine yourself interacting with people and new tastes and smells, or the gratitude and appreciation of being in a loving you know, healthy relationship, or a body that feels better, or something like that.
Samantha Pruitt:So we're really talking a lot about mindset here and this whole sort of category that we're in. It obviously requires making space in your brain for this activity, making time, creating awareness about it all, but it's sort of the number one step when we're talking about stacking positive behaviors for change.
Polly Mertens:Well, I wonder with you, I think about the times when you were struggling with the health challenges that you had, you know, years ago, and it didn't feel good to be in your body. Do you remember? No, just getting off the couch, leave me. And it didn't feel good to be in your body. Do you remember? No, just getting off the couch, leave me. Right, how did you create something out of that? How did those kind of dark days of the soul, dark nights of the soul, create something that you could reach for?
Samantha Pruitt:I don't know that I spent a lot of time or at least had awareness around building a compelling future for myself, because I really didn't know what was possible. I didn't wasn't surrounded by people that I could emulate or have mentoring me. It wasn't really a lifestyle I grew up in, et cetera, et cetera. So that wasn't really something I mean, maybe except for going to the gym and being like, hey, you know, that person looks fit or whatever. But even really I don't remember doing too much of that. For me it was more. Misery is pretty horrible. Hmm, suffering is horrible. So, you know, for me the it was kind of like this is this is not how I can continue. So if I plan to continue alive in this body on this planet right now, this is not going to work. If I don't plan on continuing, then just keep on trucking along, totally. So that's what it was, you know.
Polly Mertens:You know, and I think, where a lot of coaching world and people listening to podcasts like this, we bring to people's awareness something that is available. You know, these things that we're talking about is like, yeah, I can remember in my eating disorder days I didn't have a compelling future. You know, it was like day in, day out, on the hamster wheel, minute to minute, hour to hour. Something you mentioned that I just want to leverage also is like you didn't have anything around you, right, and so part of it is like finding those models. Finding, you know, like just going to the gym, like I've gone into the gym and I've seen people with a level of fitness or you know care, how they carry themselves, or even you know in business, you know like somebody stands up taller, a woman who speaks her voice in a meeting, or something like that, like you see great modeling, and then it's like, oh, right.
Samantha Pruitt:Well, that takes us to our second stack. When I say stack there's, I'm envisioning all these alpha blocks you know, like when you're a little kid, or bricks or Legos or whatever your experience is with the building of things Right, and in the mindset blocks. There's a lot of different aspects to building the right mindset. And then the second stack of blocks, if you will, is your environment that you're living in.
Polly Mertens:Yeah.
Samantha Pruitt:And you immediately went into. You know, find people that you can emulate, get around them. So to me, the blocks in this environmental component are friends and family, your home space, your workspace, and then your environment that you're exposing yourself to through your eyes, your ears, et cetera. So let's kind of dig into that. So you're talking specifically about the humans you surround yourself with and the amount of influence they to through your eyes, your ears, etc. So let's kind of dig into that. So you're talking specifically about the humans you surround yourself with and the amount of influence they have, positive or negative, towards you, creating the life that you want.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, you know, and you can have small steps in this and bigger ones. You know you and I have both done. You know either one on one coaching. You know we've been coached by people, whether it's an athletic coach to you know, help us get there faster. That's a huge, wonderful influence. If you had any sports that you played in your younger years, you know you were influenced by your coach, like you know, kicking your ass to. You know, improve or whatnot, and some of it is the people you hang around with, like you said, even toxic or not that massive family members.
Polly Mertens:Yes, yes. And then you can pay to be around the people that you want to be with. Also, whether it's like I joined a gym because I like the quality of the people that go there not just the workouts, but also the quality of the people feels good to me. You can pay for mastermind groups, or you know communities, or you know events, go to events and places, so you can, you know, listen to your speakers or just be around as a network of people doing what you do.
Samantha Pruitt:And you can have honest conversations with yourself. You don't have to say these things out loud, by the way about environments you're going into that are not working, that are pulling you backwards, holding you down, stopping you from your potential. It can be your partner, it can be your family, it can be your workspace, it can be your play space. Your old friendships, whatever the amount of influence that that has on you, has to be recognized. And if you want to really do sustainable change, these things that we're talking about it's no joke You've got to change those things.
Polly Mertens:And I think the one thing that I would add that I've become more aware of in the last few years, as I've been just studying energy and vibration, and I'll just call it sound frequency as well is that which you spend the most amount of time with like on a daily basis, like it's nice, like once a year to go to on a fancy retreat or something, or you know every so often hang out with quality people or something, but if you don't change the daily vibration, you know like that what you're hanging out like. I notice my some people like to just turn on the radio and listen to whatever's on Right and I am hyper selective Like do people do that? You're like I don't even.
Samantha Pruitt:I mean, that just shocks me, but I guess you're right. I know people do that with the news.
Polly Mertens:I was just going to say it's me Crazy.
Polly Mertens:Anyway, anyway, go ahead, finish your story no, no, just saying you know that which you're allowing in your vibration. You're frequent, like people don't know that what's coming out of the news your body is taking in at multiple levels. Right, it's not just the words on the screen, the, the picture, it's like the energy of what's being broadcast is becoming a part of you. If you understand, you know metaphysics, so if you are aware, you know that you're not feeling good, or just the amount of negative energy that's coming into your space. If you don't clear that space, if you don't set the vibration, if you don't set the tone, the energy of the people you allow in, both immediately physical or the influences, media. Wise, right, I think people are largely. They just brush it off Like it doesn't matter, or yeah, you know, I've got to stay informed, or whatever. It's like.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh, it's like watering a flower, you've got to stay informed, all right, about what the hell's going on inside of you. Like watering a flower, you got to stay informed, all right, about what the hell's going on inside of you. Yeah, that's the most important. People listen to all this external, but the amount of time they invest in listening to the internal, the inside job, which is your highest priority, knowing thyself is the ultimate gift and power for creating any life that you want. So, yeah, you might want to turn those volumes down a few notches. You might want to turn that off and listen to the inside.
Polly Mertens:You know, and I think, as people notice, like there's a thermostat, let's say, like we know, our body's supposed to be at a certain temperature and when we have a fever it's a sign like there's this right. But I mean, like it's a sign like there's this right, but I mean, like you know, metaphysically, what's going on is the body is out of frequency, it's got you know, stuff congested in it, it's got you know, our vibration lowers, if you will, which causes immune deficiency, you know, and all that you know. You suppress your immune system, you're just rampant for something coming in. So we kind of have to look at that energy frequency and the frequency we allow in our life and in our space. Like that thermostat, if we start to, it starts to get over. We're going to sickness, you know, and the body tries to retaliate.
Samantha Pruitt:Or that anxiety. You know that same thing. It can go up or down and out of what you're basically describing as homeostasis for the body, the brain, the energetic system.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, oh, that's good. Yeah, so your environment is, you are a creature of your environment and I, you know, I remember one time talking with another trainer in the world of eating disorders and she didn't believe that people. She thought it was all like, mentally, internally, we could just, you know, stop a habit or stop an addiction and stuff, and I'm like, oh, like based on just pure motivation that people don't have.
Samantha Pruitt:That is fleeting, and not even like a viable source of any energy.
Polly Mertens:And that's like I think you do this in your life and I do it as best I can, and mine is like you talked about your home space. It's like what do you have in your fridge? What do you have in your cupboards? You know what you know. Do you have the tools that you need in your computer to do your work? Do you have the resources you need to have a healthy lifestyle in your fridge, and you know. And do you have running shoes in your closet? You know whatever it is right and do you have what you need and are you supporting yourself with those things and getting rid of the things that aren't supportive?
Samantha Pruitt:Well, this goes into the next thing Lifestyle, habits and actions. Yeah, okay. So, oh, man, there's so much under this umbrella, um, you know, being a learner, being a creator, being growth oriented, like what's the lifestyle that you want to lead that will create this path towards you achieving your goals and sustainable change and building a whole bunch of habits and actions around that. So, like you're talking about actionable items, like, in your space, have the tools you need to make a healthy lunch or to get your buns into the gym or to you know, have connection with the people that you love. Like setting up things and making them easy, right, making them within reach, making them where you don't require amounts of motivation to make the thing happen. How can you just make it smooth and have less resistance around doing the right thing?
Polly Mertens:have less resistance around doing the right thing in air quotes. Well, the one thing I wanted to touch upon, as you were saying all that, is the three words that I learned with Tony Robbins decide, commit and resolve right. And so that's somewhat of the foundation that you step into making these changes, you know, putting it into action. So we talked in the beginning about, like, the compelling future. So it's like get clear. Like get clear what you want, decide that you're going to have it. Like first is like, oh, why don't I have the body I want, the relationship I want? Okay, it's because I'm doing these things, or whatever. You spend that clarity, clarifying time with your future vision, what needs to go, what needs to be added. You decide, you commit to it, resolve that it's done, like I'm doing this right. And then I think, once you have that clarity like I was going to bring up this example of when I decided to and this was like a trickle down of things I got divorced, sold my house and I was getting my RV and was going to start traveling it was like the compelling future of being in that RV for 30 days or more was like y'all better get out of the way Unstoppable.
Polly Mertens:And I remember it came down to this moment where my ex-husband and I we were talking about the house and whatever I'd have to pay him off in order to keep it. And I was like, wow, what would that compelling future look like? Is I'd have to pay him off in order to keep it? And I was like, wow, what would that compelling future look like? Is I'd have to keep this job that I wasn't, you know, I wasn't loving. I'd have to pay him all this money for so long, you know, to, to, to pay him off, and blah, blah, blah. And it was just like the compelling future just wasn't there.
Polly Mertens:And I said, or I could sell the house, divorce him and, you know, quit the job and be in the RV in like 30 days. I was like I'm doing that. Yes, please, yeah. And and it was, you know, it was the answers and what to do after that were just it was, it was clear. It was clear. I was like, yeah, divorce, okay, selling the house. There was no second like, oh shit, should I be? You know? You know, maybe had some questions later like damn, that was. But in that moment, it like the decision and the commitment and the resolve, guide you to all those steps. You don't need that like compelling willpower. If you will, how about you have a compelling future.
Samantha Pruitt:You don't need the compelling willpower. It's like if you have great clarity on where you're going, the steps, the daily stackable actionable items and steps to and habits, obviously towards getting there, are so much easier and you have clarity there. I mean, people are very intelligent. They actually pretty much know what they need to do, Right, which I want to just step back for a hot second and point out something really obvious, which is, you know, once you become more aware about what you're trying to achieve with your life and who you are as a human being, a lot of reasons I've seen people struggle and not achieve or sustain change and not achieve their goals is because they don't trust themselves, because they've let themselves down in the past, and so there's this whole like setup, if you will, and new year's resolutions are famous for this whole thing just continuing to recirculate out in the world.
Samantha Pruitt:You know, they set some goal and then they go on about it and then they don't for a day or for a week or for even a month or whatever, and so they've routinely let themselves down. They no longer trust themselves to make the right decisions, take the right actions, and that's a bit of a pothole in this whole thing, isn't it?
Polly Mertens:I can't agree more. I would say if you're facing that phase of your life that's your compelling future, is getting to be a person of integrity with yourself.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh like you've got to say that again.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, like if you're out of integrity with yourself, that's your homework, that's your, that's your first step, like, fuck all the rest of the stuff, you gotta get an integrity with yourself, man and I you don't fill in the pothole, you cannot drive down the road. You have to be a person of your word with yourself if you like that is.
Polly Mertens:I'm getting chills right like my body is like wants to scream this. Because I've lived this from an addictive standpoint 20 years of addiction, of not being my word with you know, at night, doing all these, you know bad behaviors that I just felt gross and then going I'm not going to do this tomorrow. And the next day getting up and fucking doing it again and again and again, stopped. I stopped trying. I was like I'm just not a person that can do this Right, and I was like I had to get super clear with myself.
Polly Mertens:The level of integrity, like one of my teachers is my word is law in the universe. When I started living, that I mean, if you take that down a few layers and we don't have the time to go into that whole thing but like you are your word, like being your word not only for other people but to yourself, the most important person in your life, exactly when you are in integrity with yourself. Like then you can tackle oh yeah, I'm doing that. I'm doing like me. Like oh yeah, I'm divorcing that and I'm going there. Like I was already had the foundation from a few years of like being my word with myself that I make that decision. That's happening.
Samantha Pruitt:Right and getting people to understand that that is the number one. It's above everything and all things that we're discussing, or any book is telling you, or podcast, or whatever the hell program you're currently, you know, chummed up with trying to get through this new year. If you don't have that, you cannot.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, self-trust now I'm where I want to walk the line, because I know people are already thinking in the back of their mind like well, like you know, sometimes I don't do exactly that and you and I are not perfect. I'm not saying that like that. There's, like this blade of like. You're either% or you're not like it. But but my level of variance of when I say I am and I'm not to myself is so thin, like you know, I don't give myself these gaps, because that gap, like you said, just grows into being out of integrity with yourself. You can't trust yourself. Oh yeah, I said that 10 times and I never do it. I'm a procrastinator. I don't keep my word, you know. I never show up, whatever it's like. No, no, no, no. And you got to start tightening those in kind of small micro ways, micro ways where it starts.
Polly Mertens:I want to say that I'm saying microwave, but micro ways you know, and that's like showing up on time for every appointment for 30 days, never being late. You know, like that's where you start to be your word, you know. Or you say you're going to go to the gym, you know, 30 days in a row Like, yeah, like I did 75 hard couple of times recently, it's like 75 days you do everything that you say you're going to do Right, and it's that muscle of self-trust. I'm beating the horse here, but you know what I'm saying.
Samantha Pruitt:Well, we should tag on to that. Like we're not saying about being perfect, you know, judging yourself, feeling guilty, punishing yourself, doing all these things that are really that could be a negative cycle. We're talking about. If you are committed to being a healthy, fit person, then you're on the journey of building your health and fitness and so then you make decisions and you take actions all along that path. Right? We're not saying that means seven days a week at the gym. We're not setting bizarre standards nobody can achieve and setting ourselves up and each other for failure. We're saying we're on the path, achieve and setting ourselves up and each other for failure. We're saying we're on the path and if we're on the path, we're committed to the growth in the direction of our goals.
Samantha Pruitt:Right, and whether it's nutrition, or whether it is finances, relationships, career path or whatever this is, this is all is, you know, relevant to that. There's no bizarre standard that somebody sets for you on bizarre standard that somebody sets for you that is an external idea that somebody says, well, you'll be successful if X, y, z, this is your path. You're determining the outcomes and so saying to yourself and entrusting in your own world word, I'm going to stay on this path. I'm going to continue this process. Some days and some weeks you're going to do certain behaviors along the path, and other times you're going to do other behaviors, but in general you're going to stay on the path.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, I think you know the thermostat on that or the the meter for yourself is you know when you're out of integrity with yourself, right, and so it's I forget. There's like someone that talks about like you know you miss one day, but you never miss two kind of thing, right, so it's like you clean, you know. So my world integrity is like you keep your promise to yourself and if you don't, you clean it up. Right, it's like, oh, I was out of it, but you, you, you true it up. Like. And it's not like there's, like you said, no perfection or never reason. Like, oh, I chose to do this instead of that, and it's not justified as in lazy, but it's justified like you're in integrity with yourself. It's not a cop out, it's not a you know, because you know when you're lying to other people.
Polly Mertens:You know when you're lying to yourself like there's an easy line here with what we're talking about, right, totally yeah.
Samantha Pruitt:All right, you know, in general I eat healthy. During the holidays or during special occasions or whatever. I like to indulge in a bunch of other random things that are not part of my whatever.
Polly Mertens:Usual yeah.
Samantha Pruitt:But then I come to the end of that cycle, whatever it is, and they leave the building. Okay, I don't know how all these chips and cookies and that Well, of course I know I bought them got into the house, but they'll be leaving now and not through the vehicle called my mouth, they'll just be leaving now, bye, and then just giving myself the grace and the self awareness and self-compassion and all that to be like, okay, well, that was a moment, was it fun? Good, I hope you had a good time. I'm talking to myself, but that's not part of your normal path. So next, yeah, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel shame, I don't feel anything around that. I just feel like, okay, the holidays are over.
Polly Mertens:Next, Back on, back on Totally and I do like a 90 for my year. You know it's like. You know. So. You know, especially around the eating disorder coaching I used to help people with, I mean, there can be some serious strictness that people with eating disorders can put themselves to some standards of like you know the word healthy and clean eating and stuff like that. And it's like if you don't fit into this tiny little band or if you don't do it perfectly, then the whole world crashes and it's like I'm in the, I live in the world of 9010. You know, and sometimes I live in 95. Five, you know it's like, especially during training time. You know it's like 95. Five. I can't mess around, you know.
Polly Mertens:So I think we, what we're trying to, is like, once you know where you're going, you have those little wins. You know. So when people used to come to me for eating disorder coaching and they're just like I had been, you had just eroded that self-trust down to just a sliver, you know like. You know almost like, yeah, I don't believe you at all. Right, it's little wins, right, and so it's like you said, those five minutes, the small tasks, the small commitments that you know at first you're like this is never going to do anything. But it's like, yeah, it's going to do something. Right, it's going to win you back with yourself five minute increments of your time over your life.
Samantha Pruitt:Stackable, yeah, create hours, days, weeks, months and years yeah everything is stackable, you know totally.
Samantha Pruitt:Okay, let's get on to leaving our audience with some what to do and what not to do. This you're trying to, uh, make this sustainable. So I've got a list of. Should I read the don'ts or the do's first? Do the don'ts, yeah, okay. Do not punish yourself. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do not judge yourself, do not burden yourself with guilt and, whatever you do, don't give up your power, the personal agency over your life and I love that you've said all of those and I just want to say, guess what, you're probably going to do all of those.
Polly Mertens:But have the compassion with yourself. When you do it right Because I've been I could raise my hand and say, yeah, I've done all of that when I'm trying to make change Right. And so if you find yourself dipping or falling into I judged myself or I made myself wrong, guess what? It's your mind that's doing it, it's not you, truly, your soul's essence. Bring back the soul's essence and have layer compassion on that. Like damn, you know, I didn't do that. And instead, like you said in the beginning, instead of like throwing it all away and like giving up on the goal, it's like the compassion to recommit, the compassion to see yourself differently, the compassion to see that vision is still possible, it still exists for you.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah, and for me, as a longtime coach with lots of different humans, you know, whether it's in the fitness space or whatever all the things called life I so many times have seen and heard and witnessed people being in environments where they're really hoping for change or wanting change and they're giving their power to the other human the coach, the family, the parent, the partner or whatever to help them make this change happen for them. And they get into environments that are not healthy, where punishment, judgment, guilt and all those things are festering. They're festering. So I guess for me saying these don'ts yes, it's you doing it to you, but please don't be in these spaces. Have enough awareness that, wow, that person or this environment really doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel shame and guilt and I feel like when that coach talks to me, or when my parent or loved one or whoever talks to me, my friends, they're making me feel more guilt or more shame. I feel like there's a punishment cycle here.
Polly Mertens:Don't sign up for that shit totally, yeah, just be like I'll be leaving now. You know, one of the things you said that I was thinking about is um, oh, it just was there and hold on, it just left. It's um, oh, shoot it left. It was like right on the tip of my tongue, so you were talking about oh, shoot it left. It was like right on the tip of my tongue. So you were talking about the environments. Oh, is you know? So I've talked about changes. It's challenging in the beginning, it's messy in the middle and it's beautiful at the end, right. And so in the beginning it's, there's challenges, right, and you have the least amount of willpower, the least amount of belief in this thing. You're like, I think.
Samantha Pruitt:I can't.
Polly Mertens:It's like trying to ride a bike in the very beginning it's wobbly. You're like, ah, the last thing you want is people to push you over or be like God damn it, you know.
Polly Mertens:So, in those wobbly times, until you have that self-resolve, that self-trust that you know I think I can do this, like I think I'm getting the hang of this, and guess what it will take. Probably, depending on the goal or the outcome that you have, it could take 30 days, 60 days, you know, depending if it's a new habit to get established, and in those early days you're vulnerable not only to yourself and that quitter's day kind of mentality, like whatever, but like, yeah, your outer environment as well. So get a little bubble you know you and I love being our own little bubbles about like, oh yeah, head down, this is you with you, or get around people that fully, you know, cheerlead and support what you're up to, not tear you down or judge you, or you know exactly so.
Samantha Pruitt:That's the don't list. Here's the do list. Make it easy, create rules or a rule or a promise to yourself to build that trust, build self-awareness, self-worth and self-trust, double clicking on all of that. And then, if you're stuck, pause, unpack and release it, or get support. Don't surrender or give up on yourself.
Polly Mertens:And something that just has been jumping out at me during this is, I want to say the word courage. Right, so you only have courage when you're afraid of something. If you're not afraid, then it doesn't take courage to do it, you just do it right. So challenge yourself to be courageous, because change is often hard. You know you're facing uncertainty in the brain and that uncertainty, that unknown, like what if I fail? What if this happens? I don't know what's beyond what I've done, because I've only done what I've known.
Polly Mertens:If you're making change, expect it to be a vulnerable time. So surround yourself with a bubble of like, love and compassion, yourself and others, and then also like, know that there's going to probably be moments of courage. You know, when I created that goal to be in my RV for, you know, traveling and stuff there was micro moments that I was navigating through, that where I had to go holy crap, am I, am I going what and what am I doing? You know, and I had to call on that inner courage. Oh, you know what? I don't know how this is gonna turn out, but I'm going to keep doing it because I had that commitment and that resolve. This is where I'm going. This is the compelling future I'm committed to.
Polly Mertens:So just know that in the universe, your old beliefs, your old life, like they were still there, they don't just go away like in an instant, unless you have something traumatic happen or lobotomy. So like you're going to bump up against some old ways of being, some things that want to pull you back, some old people in your life that want you to stay the same. So it's going to call upon a level of muscle inside of yourself and I believe if you want this change and it wants you like, the reason why you have this vision is you deserve it and this is already actually the outcome for you in a metaphysical way. So like just knowing those moments are going to be called upon to be brave, to be courageous and act and do it right. And just like you and Sam and I were here to say like hit the fucking gas pedal, do that thing, like keep going, it's, it's worth it.
Samantha Pruitt:On the other side, Exactly so many big, audacious goals. All of them are started. I mean, I've had. Now what eight businesses? I mean, okay, they started from. Oh, I have this crazy idea. I wonder if then maybe do oh no, that wasn't right. And then, and then, stacking, stacking, stacking, and then.
Polly Mertens:Oh, there's a business.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh, hey, we're done. You know, and just going with it and being part of it, like being so in it and, you know, taking the punches, but then also rising up and being like check this out right. Like also giving yourself the love of when you do accomplish the micro five minutes or the giant wins, freaking. Stack the wins, I don't care how small they are, how infrequent or frequent. Stack the wins and give yourself that like hell yeah. I mean, do you how many people tell themselves on the daily Hell yeah, I tell lots of other people that, but sometimes I'm driving down the road being like hell yeah check me out Because maybe that's what I need that day.
Samantha Pruitt:I've reminded myself, or we remind each other frequently like hey, look at that cool shit you did. Were you even aware? Remember that thing, or whatever. Like be up in that and surround yourself with those people, yeah, oh man, it gets a lot easier sharing wins has such momentum, such momentum and high fives all around.
Polly Mertens:You know, even small, you know like and that person that can be in your life, that can help dust you off when you had the day that didn't go as planned, and it's like you can do that. You can do it tomorrow. You've got this. Keep going Having those people in your life as well, to cheerlead, to pick you up when you don't feel it, or whatnot, like having partners, friends, collaborators, coaches, cheerleaders, whatever it is community to get through this.
Samantha Pruitt:Let's change so good I have a closing idea for ready.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, what's our one thing?
Samantha Pruitt:for me, it's just do the next right thing, and when I say right thing, it's whatever that is for you, I'm not. That's not a. There's a right and a wrong way. Yeah, what is my next move? Yeah, so, no matter what just transpired today, this week, this month, this year, that's the past. I can do nothing about it. But right now I can make the next right move, and when I say stackable, you stack the next right move on top of the next right move, on top of the next right move. And when I say stackable, you stack the next right move on top of the next right move, on top of the next right move. Dude, that's the guess what guess what?
Polly Mertens:you're in a new place in your whole life. You know literally totally. I love it. I love it all right. What do we want to remind our beautiful humans of today before we close out? What? What do you want to say?
Samantha Pruitt:Oh, how your life feels is so much more important than how it looks.
Polly Mertens:And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.
