The Everyday Awesome Project
The Everyday Awesome Podcast is your mega dose of multivitamins for building your mental muscles, physical body and an empowered life. Your hosts Polly and Sam are on your dream team; lifelong coaches in business, health & fitness and human potential. They are on fire to ignite change in the lives they touch.
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The Everyday Awesome Project
59: When A Door Closes In Your Life...
What if the very doors that close, often painfully, in your life hold the keys to your personal growth and liberation?
Join Coach Polly & Sam this week as we help you discover how navigating these closures, whether by choice or circumstance, can lead to empowerment and self-discovery. We explore the emotional impact of these events, from the empowerment of deciding to close a door to the shock of it being closed for us!
We'll share how these moments can stir up deep-seated feelings of rejection and inadequacy - and that's totally normal! Our discussion draws connections between what happens and our past experiences, such as childhood rejections or complex family dynamics, offering insights into managing transitions with resilience and understanding.
Throughout this episode, we unravel the art of letting go, shedding the weight of blame and shame that accompanies closed doors. By reframing these closures as opportunities for growth, we can transform our perspective and harness the liberation that comes from moving forward. Personal stories illuminate how simple actions like taking a walk or embracing nature can reset our mindset and emotions, allowing us to navigate loss and liberation simultaneously. We delve into the duality of these experiences, highlighting the importance of recognizing self-worth and celebrating endings as pivotal steps towards new beginnings.
As the conversation unfolds, we emphasize how reclaiming self-worth and embracing life's transitions with confidence can shape our future for the better. With time and reflection, closed doors often reveal themselves as defining moments, leading us to vibrant opportunities that align with our true selves. Encouraging listeners to choose paths that resonate authentically, we underline the significance of how life feels over appearances. Join us as we share experiences and insights that will empower you to approach life's closures and openings with clarity, excitement, and authenticity.
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hey, superstars, welcome back polly here good morning, beautiful humans.
Samantha Pruitt:Good morning, it's a morning we rarely tape in the morning I know here we are, look at us coffee. I got the memo oh, no way okay, we're hilarious. We did not that at all, but it's like the most super giant mug I have. You could literally swim. You could do a half Ironman swim in this mug.
Polly Mertens:So Sam's talking about? We have our matching Ironman mugs. Yay, you've got world championship. I'm more obey. This is a collector's item, as as we know so well. Let's welcome everyone into our conversation today.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh my gosh, this is so good.
Polly Mertens:This is good stuff.
Samantha Pruitt:As usual, like you know, relevant to what's happening in our lives and the lives of those we touch.
Polly Mertens:Yeah. So four simple steps. When a door closes in life, right, and it's like you know, you think of like, oh, door closes, like slam, rejection or something, but we have different ways of looking at things, right, so let's set the stage, so you know. So what we're talking about here is, and you and I are like there's two usually, doors that close in life. One that you close, you're like, yeah, see you later. Got to go like done, we're ending this, or sayonara. Or one gets closed for you. I love how you frame that, because I said, oh, yeah, or a door closes and you're like, no, someone closes it for you, for you Exactly.
Samantha Pruitt:Thank you very much. Right yeah, and so either way you'll be leaving.
Polly Mertens:Yeah and well. What's what I love about that second part is, you know it, when someone closes it for you, it's like sometimes we don't take the initiative, we don't act, we don't, we're not ready, or there's a fear of the unknown. It's like, oh well, if I stop doing this job, this relationship, this identity that I've had, you know, this habit or whatever, like what then? Right, and so we kind of sit in this muck. You know how it feels when I've done this to myself, and it's just like you're in this like purgatory, like one foot in, but you want to be out, but you don't close the door for yourself, but, thankfully, universe, the person that you're with, whatever the boss, whatever closes the door for you, and so it initially let's unpack that one first, just a little bit deeper, now that we've sort of set the stage for the comparison and we'll get into when you willingly do it later.
Samantha Pruitt:But when it closes for you and you're kind of, you know, setting a scenario there. So it could be you got let go from a job or a business that you own is closed for some other reason besides your choice. It could be relationship. You know the person leaves or asks you to leave. Whatever the scenarios, it could be friends and family. You know a lot of friend and family dynamic gets crazy at times, as we all know, and they could exit your life or ask you to exit your life. You know the relationship, in whatever capacity.
Samantha Pruitt:It could be communities, you know where you like, let's say, I was, you know, in a group and I was participating on a team or in some kind of community group and then all of a sudden, um, it literally dissolves. I mean that happened a lot during the pandemic, things of that nature where people had their little hubs of love or circle or wherever they hung out and they thought that that was great because they'd been doing that for a long time. You know habits, patterns etc. And then it all, just whew was gone. You know that's an extreme situation, but so everybody's been through this.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, and I think the one where you know the door, someone closes it for you, is a little bit more shocking. You know, to the, to your system, let's say so when you close the door. When you close the door, sometimes it could be like in a moment of passion or fury or something like you could close it and it's a little shocking to you also, but you taking the initiative, saying no, saying I'm not doing this, leaving whatever the move is, if you will, that jarring, but it's like instantly empowering. And I think when the door gets closed for you, the first response isn't always oh, I'm super empowered, right, it's more like it's disempowerment, Sometimes even the worst thing rejection.
Samantha Pruitt:Right, that's a very common response Pain, hurt, rejection, feeling the feeling of I'm not good enough or I wasn't good enough. Yeah, I didn't make the cut.
Polly Mertens:What did I do wrong I?
Samantha Pruitt:no longer belong here.
Polly Mertens:What's wrong with me?
Samantha Pruitt:Things that are deeply painful, and one of the things we talked about in this scenario is it can really be incredibly triggering for people because of old wounds. What might that look like, polly?
Polly Mertens:Well, you know, we, you know, we think that the things that happen to us in life and our response to them is like oh well, that makes sense or that's logical. Well, it's actually probably some old behaviors or some memories that are stored within us that something like that. Oh well, that makes sense or that's logical. Well, it's actually probably some old behaviors or some memories that are stored within us that something like that happened. You know, a kid rejected you, you didn't get picked on the playground. Or you know your parents got a divorce and you made it about like, oh, parents don't love me anymore, or whatever. Or a friend you know gives you a boundary and makes a hard line and, and you know, it feels like a breakup, if you will, right.
Polly Mertens:And so we, we get these little childhood wounds that we walk around. You know, I've heard it talked about. It's kind of like if you have a wound on your skin, you know you have a little owie on your skin, and if the owie doesn't get bumped or doesn't get hurt, it's like, hey, you can kind of walk around with this little owie. But if someone comes along and they put sandpaper on that owie, you know they're like oh hey, that thing. You've been walking around with that open wound woof and you're like, oh, and it feels like in the moment your response to it is more dramatic or more impactful. Well, it's probably because there's something underneath that they need to unpack.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh, definitely, oh definitely. I mean we both have seen this. Hopefully we haven't done it, but I'm not going to say I haven't. You know where you're in even a professional setting or whatever you know like a setting that you should be acting professionally. And then maybe somebody says, or there's some actions, and then all of a sudden, one person or the self reacts like a crazy person, like gets you know, overly dramatic, overly like under attack response kind of scenario and everyone's going what in the hell? Cause it doesn't, from the outside, make sense. That kind of hard reaction, that's that opening of the wound, the old trauma that you know we're witnessing in those people, and what we need at that time, by the way, is to show compassion for them.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah, however, generally we all counter-attack and then it turns into chaos and everybody leaves the room and there's a little more explosive disaster happening, you know, and that person uh, I gave an explanation of this recently in a professional setting where a lot of this was happening. There was all these negotiations and different dynamics happening and it was fascinating to be part of that and try and help them navigate it gracefully. But one of the scenarios that kind of came up and in this instance what it appeared to be is like the most wounded animal was the one that was attacking the most ferociously. It's like a, you know, almost appeared to be that this person was an animal that got backed into a cage. That was how they were expressing right and it was interesting to watch and try and navigate it gracefully, because it wasn't really the scenario that was causing this extreme reaction.
Samantha Pruitt:It was their own personal stuff. They were bringing to the table to the conversation to the negotiation and this I think that happens frequently.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, yeah. Well, and what I want to paint the picture with you know, doors closing whether you're the one closing the door or the door, someone else closes it for you, it's going to you're going to have an emotional response, you know, up down, whatever.
Samantha Pruitt:So like that's totally normal, the steps we want to take you through today, yeah, Don't be like oh, you know we're good, yeah, it's all good, I'll get on with my life, and then you're really gutted.
Polly Mertens:Feel it, yeah, feel it Right, cause how your life feels.
Polly Mertens:You want to process these emotions. You don't want to, you know, suppress emotions like process, don't like ride the weight, you know, and I always don't like add, you know, water to something that's taking you downward. Don't put yourself into a quicksand and go downward, but like, like you know, I mean, this first step is that awareness right, like, well, I'm having this like major response in my body or minor response in my body, like, wow, I feel really sad right now. I feel hurt, I feel rejected, you know, whatever, and it could be a level five or a level 10, you know who knows. So be with it. And then we want to open you up to the steps that can help you guide and navigate that right, because you know some people can take a moment of rejection, a moment of a door closing for you and like wallow right for decades oh, oh, be paralyzed, yeah, be paralyzed in that moment of hurt and rejection and whatever their emotions were for them, for the individual, and just literally drowned in it.
Samantha Pruitt:I would say, you know, just take a breath. That breath, by the way, it could take a week or days or a month or whatever but like that, pausing and reflecting, like what you're saying, on this situation, rather than immediately allowing the emotions to overwhelm you. Of course you're going to be emotional, but, like any time we have emotions, they need to be processed right, otherwise they get stored in the body. So they need to be worked through and processed.
Samantha Pruitt:So, maybe you need to be alone. Maybe they need to be worked through and processed. So maybe you need to be alone. Maybe you need to be with a loved one. Maybe you need to be journaling Some way to move through. That is a natural grace to give yourself and don't automatically assume that it's you either Right Say more, no matter what that person told you yeah, boss or partner or friend or whatever. The blame and shame game, no matter what was said. Don't attach to the words that were said.
Polly Mertens:Liberate yourself from those yeah, and that's the two things I wanted to say as you were saying that that I think um were came up for me. One is the story so there's what's so right, like someone closed the door or you said you stepped away from something, right, you closed the door. In that moment, your mind is instantly going to start making meaning right, like that's what it does. It's like moments happen, situations happen, people say things and the mind goes what does that mean? What does that mean? Right, you don't even notice it, but it's doing that. And so, like you said, if you go into this pity party, this wallowing, it's like I'm not good enough.
Polly Mertens:They hate me. I'm never going to, you know, I'm never going to find love again, whatever Right. So notice the meaning that your mind starts to make and don't get attached to it, because you're probably in a heated moment.
Samantha Pruitt:Right.
Polly Mertens:And then the second is you name some things to do, like step away from it. In a moment I had recently we could talk about you know, this happens to us all the time these things that we bring up in our podcast and it's like so I had a door closed for me and I was like I instantly wanted to reach out, actually, like I wanted support, like I wanted to talk to people. It wasn't like, oh, I should just go home and like think about this and do this process. It was like, no, maybe support is exactly what you need. You know, just having your friends be there for you just to keep you up and lift you up, like hey, you know what this just happened. Or celebrate Like, oh my God, the store closed.
Samantha Pruitt:You know I hadn't done it for myself, but it just closed and you know, woohoo right so whatever you know, rephrasing how we have you, you know, rephrasing how we have, you know, this door they closed it for you does give an underlying message and feeling, evokes a feeling of it's a gift. Sometimes gifts are painful but, they're freaking liberating.
Polly Mertens:So let's walk them through what we would say some steps that we came up with. We were talking about it a little bit, we're kind of bouncing around it, but I would say the first step that I thought of and we think is, you know, valuable is shifting the energy in that moment, right, so there's something that wants to be released. So, like this happened to me recently had a project I've been working on and with some people, and I've been wanting to not be on this project anymore, I was like this is the same what I thought it was going to be. It's not quite working out. You know, don't make me see eye to eye, but I was kind of sitting in this middle ground, like should I stay, should I go, should I see out this project, whatever? And when they, you know, when they said, hey, you know what, I think we're going to end this, and I was like, oh my God, like super liberating.
Polly Mertens:But what I had felt and you helped me with this because it happened recently is there was a lot of just built up, kind of crunchy, yucky, negative energy that I'd been, you know, been building, you know, kind of like accumulating, accumulating around this project, like this didn't work and that wasn't great, and these people and this and that and whatever. So my first step was like a releasing right. So I literally like came home, took a shower. Step was like a releasing right. So I literally like came home, took a shower, put on new clothes, took myself out. I was just like I feel like get out of that energy right, and that can be a very different ceremonial Anything you want to say about that, that releasing the old right.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah, it's a recalibration of all the things, but in particular of your energy, and then that leads to the mindset and the emotions attached to it. But that has to first come from some actions, right? So if you just sat there, you know, in your car or wherever you were, when the thing transpired right, and didn't take any action to move the energy and reset the mindset, it would stay within the body. So, for me, a lot of times I'll go for a hike or a run or a bike ride, I'll get outside, I'll start moving my body. I literally come back. A different person. Yeah, yeah, you know, but we've I mean, who hasn't been off a project or a job? You know that they had a certain idea it was gonna keep going or whatever job you know that they had a certain idea it was going to keep going, or whatever I mean.
Samantha Pruitt:Or who hasn't had a relationship, and I mean everybody can relate to this. And I think what's so cool about how you just told your story and I know you know it happened recently and it was really beautiful to be part of it with you was I mean we really didn't celebrate with you. Was I mean we really didn't celebrate, even though somebody closed the door for you? It was a hallelujah moment of liberation. Sure, there's still like some loss and some emotion around. Wow, I had a lot invested in that and I was putting a lot of energy into that. You know, I see things through and I had a vision. All the things, of course. Yeah, see things through and I had a vision. All the things, of course, yeah, totally. All of that is also true, but both things can be true, yeah.
Polly Mertens:Both things can be true, and I think about the time in some relationship where a door is closed, for you know, in relationship, let's say an intimate relationship, and one of the things I wanted to yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly.
Samantha Pruitt:Ooh, talk about an investment. This was going to go a whole other way, and you and I have both the energy kind of clearing the decks, like like just in, and so it's kind of what that brings. Yeah, I was gonna say detox or ceremony right.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, there could be something like I did some beautiful ceremonies in my. I had a friend pass away, that's what. Not exactly the same. You know door closes if you will, but that relationship door closed because he passed away, to the beautiful ceremony to you know door closes if you will, but that relationship door closed because he passed away, did a beautiful ceremony to you know say goodbye and stuff like that. So if ceremony feels like it's something that resonates for you in that, whatever that, whatever phase you're in right, so it could be just like oh, like I need to celebrate or I need to reach out to a friend or I need some quiet time or whatever.
Samantha Pruitt:Go for a run, go for a hike, you know, go for a drive, right, I love this idea of ceremony. I just got a vision of you know, being part of, or facilitating or whatever. Like you know, when somebody becomes single again, what a freaking cool ceremony that could be. I'm not talking about crazy Las Vegas bachelor weirdness, like I'm talking about, like ceremonial, the being back into the solo sphere and being a fully liberated person and whatever that experience is for everybody. Gosh, why don't we do have these?
Polly Mertens:as part of society. You know it's true Cause I can remember when my divorce happened I felt this trepidation, like I still felt attached because I didn't do something like this. Now that we're talking about this, I'm like man to honor and close that out. It's like it's so slowly unwound itself. You might say, like I didn't date right away, I didn't like put myself on the market or whatever. It took, you know, good six to eight months or whatever. But if I had done a ceremony at least I would have been open to that idea. Not that I want it, whatever, but having that closure or honoring whatever that was, if that feels good right, I freaking love this and honor yourself honor yourself like, okay, I'm complete with that.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah it's so cool. I have a friend, a gym friend, who's been getting a divorce for over a year, over a year, and it's really just, you know, blown her life as she knew it out. And she's just sort of hanging on by a thread there, you know, and it's really hard to watch and to support, because she's trapped in that moment and I think things like this could be powerful.
Samantha Pruitt:You know, when someone closes a door on you at work or in a career project or at school, you know, maybe like you're chipping along and you think you're going to be a doctor, or you're going to be this or that or whatever, and then, for whatever reason, you don't get accepted into that program and they close the door and then there's no more opportunity. Or, um, I know a couple of people um, this is interesting. You know, like my son is colorblind, my dad was colorblind and there was a friend of mine who was colorblind. He really wanted to be a pilot. You can't be a pilot. I mean so like things are just part of who you are in the world. And then you think you're going to have this dream life of doing the X, y, z, and then they go oh, you didn't pass that test, you're no longer going down that road, right right yeah, people have to really just figure out.
Samantha Pruitt:Reset, yeah, reset, recalibrate. Figure out who they really are. Don't get attached to the story.
Polly Mertens:I love that yeah, or you know, be mindful of the story and weave the web you know of what you want. So I want to go into our second step, which is you know, this is what, yeah. So I think the natural next step is like, what are your takeaways? Like, like doing a journaling, yeah, I get the lessons, get the gifts, the takeaways, what, what, what did this teach you, right? What do you know more about yourself, about life, about about people, whatever that, having been through this experience, been with this person, been in this job, had this closed? What do you know more about the people yourself?
Samantha Pruitt:like that, right well, that really takes a whole other mind shift. What are the gifts and lessons? You said no because you have to be totally with yourself, right and providing a space for yourself of compassion and grace and love, to say, hey, part of me or parts of me are better because of this door was closed. What are those parts? How can I identify with those parts? So what would be some gifts? Give me some examples of what you've experienced as lessons or gifts.
Polly Mertens:Oh well, you know, I just did two pages. Oh, my goodness, yeah, when I was doing the gifts and lessons, yeah, yeah, no doubt Because we talked about this and I was like, yeah, I'm going to look at them for this. Yeah, I mean one of the things, yeah, one of the things I want, yeah, right, like life is a school, like we are here. We are here growing ourselves, getting to know ourselves more, reminding ourselves of who we are, and when we do things or we step into situations where it's wonky or it doesn't work out. It's often because either, like mine, like clearly it was a moment of compromise I took something, I took some work, a project that it wasn't checking all my boxes but I still took it Right. And so, like, one of my greatest ones is like, it's like there is no satisfaction in work that is taken from a place of compromise.
Polly Mertens:Oh wow, that's one of my. That was my number one. That was my first takeaway not my number one, but that was my first one. That was my first takeaway, not my number one, but that was my first one. And I would say some of the takeaway is like looking at the experience ie let's say it's a month or six years or whatever it is of that. So you might have like years or that, and then it might be in that moment Like so the door closing for me instead of me closing the door, there's a lesson in why didn't I close that door sooner, right? So the lesson can be the, the, the. You know what I was doing at the end. Or you know, like sitting in work that wasn't fulfilling, satisfying me and not acting. It's like okay, what's the lesson in the future? You know, if it's not satisfying in the beginning, it's not going to be satisfying in the end. You know, take a step sooner, right.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah.
Polly Mertens:So like, uh, I don't know, get out as soon as you realize that it's not good when you're compromising your values, you're eating into your emotional spiritual satisfaction also, right? Um, I also like good things, like people are inherently good. That was one of my takeaways Like people are inherently good. I took away a lot of good experiences, relationships, um, I'm a higher quality person for the things that I learned during that process. So lots of skills.
Samantha Pruitt:I mean, skills are learned. In the school of life, too, skills are learned. So you obviously all of us take away skills as we move above and beyond. You know, like, if it's some relationship, maybe you learned the skill of standing up and speaking up for yourself or listening to your gut or whatever. If it's in the workspace, maybe you literally learned technical skills on the job to do a certain thing, or you became an expert at a certain thing, and that's incredibly powerful. As you move forward in your life and decide what you want to do next, Maybe you learned you hate that line of work. I thought this was going to be so fun. It's the opposite of fun. I'm not going to go back into that type of work. You know, like there's so many opportunities for less.
Polly Mertens:Like I remember talking to this student in college and this is a recent, you know, I'm not in college, but this person was this college student and they were saying, oh yeah, I started taking classes, I want to say, in architectural engineering or something. She's like I thought I wanted to be an engineering architect or something and she goes and that was definitely not it Right. So in those when we're literally in school and we shift, like it's not, it's not a surprise, it's like, oh yeah, I took a couple classes, surprised it doesn't happen more.
Samantha Pruitt:It's so freaking shocking to me that young people can go in at whatever 18, 19, 20, whatever and then they're like, yeah, I'm gonna do this the rest of my life. No, you're not. I mean, how many people are to do this the rest of my life? No, you're not, I mean, how many people are going to do that the rest of their life?
Polly Mertens:Small percentage, right? Yeah? Yeah, you know, and I think one of the things in relationship that we do, and maybe in work too, is, you know, we're all walking around with a little bit of standards, expectations of like knowing ourselves and what we will accept or what we won't accept, or what we bring to the table, like, wait a minute, I put a lot of this to the table and that wasn't appreciated. I want to go somewhere where this part of me is appreciated and valued and celebrated, right? So that list of what we accepted or what we thought we wanted 10 years ago, two weeks ago, whatever, and we got into something it's like oh wait, no, I learned that this about myself or this about the people that I relate with, this is what I had.
Samantha Pruitt:A lot of that lately being in projects, whether being self employed or contracted or whatever. A lot of my work is project based. So people will hire me for certain skills or bring me on to a team dynamic because of certain skills how they perceive me to be in the world and what they think I'm going to offer, no matter what my resume says or my experience or even maybe what I tell them. Right, and then I go into that environment and then this is my own personal learnings and takeaway lessons is I've had enough of those recently, especially post pandemic. I've had enough of those recently, especially post-pandemic. I've done a lot of different projects. I mean really kind of a whole, you know, wheelhouse of crazy stuff, and I was expressing to you about one I'm currently in that I really was attracted to the company, the values, the vision, the amount of diversity and inclusivity in this space, all of the beautiful things. Love it, love it. And then was in there doing the thing, offering my gifts and skills, but kept bumping into some walls around, lack of communication or lack of follow through or things where I felt like I was being held back and couldn't fully deliver on what I brought to the table, on what I brought to the table as well as was I fully being seen, heard and recognized based on what I thought I was going to be doing there, that kind of dynamic right, and that can be really bumpy and messy Because you're maybe the new kid on the block or you're new to the relationship or new to the team and you're like, should I speak up?
Samantha Pruitt:Well, I mean, how listen, I'm 55 now I speak up and even after 50, it was like the switch. I speak up about everything. I'm very, you know, professional and nice and loving about it. I'm not an a-hole about it, but I definitely don't hold back my personal expression, ideas or thoughts anymore, and so it's really wonderful. They responded exceptionally well and the process of, you know, recalibrating the situation so I could actually stay in it and they could get what they needed and I could get what I needed. We could do amazing work together in the world. I mean it was great because I spoke up. I was going to say it's possible because you introduced the conversation right and I can tell you some of the relationships other in the world. I mean it was great because I spoke up.
Polly Mertens:I was going to say it's possible because you introduced the conversation right, and I can tell you some of the relationships that I was in that I'm no longer in. If I had spoken up and like what you're saying earlier on, they wouldn't have lasted as long as I did. I was kept keeping to myself and like, oh, maybe not this or whatever, and I think there are nice ways. Like you said, you weren't an asshole about it, right. So having the conversation because there is some part of you that wants to speak and be heard and be seen and isn't, it's not right.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah project, rather than, if I didn't and I allowed this to fester I would have eventually closed the door without the conversation, without being seen, heard and really explored whatever was possible there, or they would have eventually asked me to leave the project because it wasn't working out, because it wasn't the match that we thought it was going to be right. So what I'm saying this all full circle is expectations. I went in with expectations, they went with expectations. Everybody does this and those expectations can be where the communication breakdown happens. And many, many times, whether it's, you know, during the closing of the door moment, like how many times have you left a job or left a relationship and you're like I should have said that.
Samantha Pruitt:I wish I'd said that, but you were so emotionally overwhelmed you didn't.
Polly Mertens:Or resigned, or resigned, you know, because, as you were saying this, I love you know this is fresh for you, so you're like taking these things in and you're. But you know, let's say you had sat in this, which you I don't think ever would now or in the past, but let's say you sat in this job.
Samantha Pruitt:Oh, I've sat in shit before. Yeah, I know what it smells like. I know exactly what it feels like. You know what I'm talking about.
Polly Mertens:You're like oh well, maybe this will just get better on its own. But you know, or we start to try and nullify some of our expectations, or like oh, that's maybe that's. Maybe that's not as important as I thought it was right. So we're getting off on the like what to do before the door closes conversation.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah, let's get back into our steps. How do we?
Polly Mertens:prevent that, but that's so important. So, yeah, so spend a moment, at least take a breath and like, get the gift right, because especially the ones that are bigger doors, you know there's little doors that close You're like, oh, that doesn't bother you too much, but there's probably still a lesson or a gift in it. Number three yeah, and so you've cleared the energy right, so you've met ceremony or just shifted your energy, you've honored that time right, you've found the gifts, you pulled out the lessons, I would say. Then you're in a space for opportunities, like, what next? What you know, dreamscapingcaping, like, like, where do I want to go with this?
Polly Mertens:What's possible, especially if it was a job or project or an opportunity that closed and you're like, holy crap, like not doing that anymore, what you know, what am I doing? Going right into, oh, I need to find the next thing, I need to get online and find a job. You know, like, whatever I made, yeah, it's probably in a place of desperation or not wrapping things up, but once you've come to that space and that can come quickly, it can come in a couple of hours or a couple of days, right, yeah, but if you haven't done the other two steps, you could be also coming from a place of unworthiness and settling yet again.
Samantha Pruitt:It can be a pattern for people, right? We get stuck in these grooves, in these patterns of how we pick jobs, how we pick mates, how we pick opportunities, circumstances, and you could deliver yourself onto the doorstep of the exact same thing. You just walk up, but it looks so different. It's blonde now instead of a brunette, or it's you know. Now I'm in a suit and before I was in a you know uniform or whatever it could be. Still the same experience. We don't want that for you.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, so you know, and and in some way like why I said you know, I reached out to friends right after the store was closed. For me it was like I wanted to, you know, a celebrate Cause. I thought it was a good thing. Like instantly, I'm like made good meaning. I'm like, yeah, Right, and I've had friends call me when they lose a job or a project and I celebrate with them. I'm like, hey, that's great, and they're not maybe in the space, but, like I see it for them, I'm like great new opportunities. So, um, it's rebuilding your sense of worth and value is what you're talking about Right.
Polly Mertens:So if you go in and go, oh, that door closed on me, I'm not good enough, I'm never whatever. And then we walk into the marketplace relationship marketplace or business marketplace we're like, what can I offer? Where's my value? And we've negated our full potential right and.
Samantha Pruitt:I think this is the most important step, as you're really unpacking it for us. Re-evaluating and coming to real grips with I mean taking in wholeheartedly your true value, skills, gifts, potential is probably the most important, no matter who's closing the door, because if you don't take time to do that and maybe that's part of step number three is also taking an inventory of hey, I'm a pretty kick ass human. Let me tell you all about it. And you're literally talking to yourself in the mirror, writing this shit down, right Like to a friend or whatever, exactly Like you and I could be like okay, you know what are all the skills.
Samantha Pruitt:Let's make a list All we can do, these 50,000 million things we were running out of paper, right, like, sometimes you need someone to do that with you also. But if you don't take time to do that, I think this is really. It's almost tragic. I hate to say it, but if you don't take that experience full circle in terms of really reconnecting to yourself with love and compassion and understanding about who you are, and then you move forward, you're no-transcript.
Polly Mertens:If you feel great about yourself, like you won't just accept any day, you won't. You know. You know you're going to be like I have something to offer my next relationship. I've taken all these gifts away. I've learned a lot about myself. I am a beautiful soul, human right. Somebody would love to be my partner.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah, it reminds me of like when you want to PR for a race. So you know, we've set big athletic goals and sometimes we achieve them and sometimes we don't. So when we don't and the goal was to do a PR on a marathon or whatever I'm just using that as an example and we don't, for whatever reasons, it doesn't happen, do we sign up for the next weekend Because we think that the next weekend we'll PR, and then the next weekend and then the next weekend. All we do is bury ourself because we haven't fully recovered physically, but we also haven't fully recovered mentally and emotionally to really deliver our best our PR. In whatever the scenario is, it takes time for a full recovery people.
Polly Mertens:It really does. Yeah, yeah. And I think if we don't honor, like the, you know so, if you just the door closes and you just go down the hallway and you go to the looking for the next one, right, you go into the marketplace looking for the next one, we probably don't. I want to say, like the, the act of turning back, honoring that space, that experience, honoring what we learned and what we grew and we got out of like you're taking gold with you, right, it's like you are a bigger, brighter, shining example of your self expression in the world. And it's like, if you only thought of, like who you were, you know, when you started that relationship, you're not up leveling yourself, you're not taking yourself to what's possible for you.
Samantha Pruitt:You shouldn't even wear the same suit, yeah, or clothes, or whatever. You shouldn't even wear the same suit or clothes, or whatever. You shouldn't. Yeah, you know I love um. It's so symbolic. You know part of what you did. You know showering, washing your beautiful hair, letting your hair down. You'd been in this very grind, work, physical, masculine space, doing this very huge project and then you all of a sudden were like, oh yeah, the feminine in me needs to come back out, which is just completely a huge part of who you are. You know, hair down, let's put some makeup on, put a dress on. I'm going to go out, I'm going to have a nice dinner Like I'm going to reintegrate back into myself in full bloom.
Polly Mertens:Dude, stand up tall shoulders back Like like, hey, I like I'm amazing, like that experience wasn't a fit right, I was compromising things. I was, you know, doing work that wasn't as, and I learned that through the process. You know, I thought it was. I was like this isn't a line, maybe this could work, right, but I but I walked and then I went hold up, I am bigger, brighter. But I walked and then I went hold up, I am bigger, brighter, better, right, because of it, and just who I am in the world. Like I just honor myself, honor my stories. I don't say, oh, look, I couldn't do that, and they close the door for me, oh, maybe I'm not so good, right, and then I just take less, less, less, hell no, hell no.
Samantha Pruitt:Well, those are reasons that many people don't close the door themselves, right? What stops people from doing that? Yeah, a lack of all that Mm-hmm.
Polly Mertens:And a big one, is the fear of the unknown, right? Oh yeah, because I mean I can tell you sitting the amount of months, years, no years in relationships where I tried to we're working on the relationship, right, and that was me not always fully expressing, but it was like this needed to go right. So you sit in this like muck and it's like because some of it's like, well, I don't know what it's like outside, like oh, having to date again, you know, or having to, will I ever find someone new? Or maybe I should just quote settle for this instead of stepping out and seeing what else is possible, right, and you do that in work as well. It's like, oh well, at least it's a steady paycheck, at least I know these things, at least you know whatever it's like. No, that is not a good reason to invest another day of your life with that person or with that business.
Samantha Pruitt:Hell, no, hell, no. What's step number four?
Polly Mertens:Last make some decisions and take some action, right, so like and that's going to look different, right, it's like all right, what am I doing now? All right, let's decide on a course of action and get into it, right.
Samantha Pruitt:Don't stay stuck. Yeah, Take some freaking action and it can be really small steps. You know, sometimes you're going to go slower and the steps are going to be smaller. Sometimes it's going to be radical massive.
Polly Mertens:Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah, it can look a lot of different things and I think if you've done the steps that we talked about, you know you've gotten the closure. You release some energy maybe ceremony, honored, something, taking the gifts, you really feel yourself, you've opened up your mind, your dreamscape, your imagination to all possibility and what could I do? And then you just decide and guess what it may not be. The first action is going to lead to like boom, boom, boom. This is just humming. Or like the first person that you get you get, you know, go out on a coffee date with is like magic, right, but it's the, it's getting back in the game, it's getting back in action, getting like, and it's going to teach you some more things, as life always does and recognizing that when you move forward, you make, uh, some decisions and you take some action.
Samantha Pruitt:You're not the same person. You're not the same person. You're not taking that backpack full of bricks that you just took off when the door closed, or somebody took it off your back. You're not taking it with you. It's not going with you. You are not the same person, please, yeah and depending on what you know.
Polly Mertens:There's a beautiful quote. It's the universe abhors a vacuum, right, and so it's physics Right, and so it will fill it. It naturally fills it, like, if you know, in the world of Feng Shui we talk about it as like, if you remove something from your house or you empty out a drawer, it's like in a couple of months things will be showing back up, or the closet gets cleared out and more stuff, or your purse or whatever Right, the closet gets cleared out and more stuff, or your purse or whatever right. So like, that's a physical way you could say it. But the same is true for the vacuum that's created by the door being closed.
Polly Mertens:So I always look at that like, wow, this area of my life, I now am open, right, I'm back open to the space of receiving, right, and I think, if we position ourselves, we position our mindset and our energy of like I've up, leveled, I've learned more, I've expanded, I'm a more bigger expression of myself, we welcome in, you know, those new opportunities. You know, like you said, you're not the same person because your energy is different. You've shifted. If you've allowed that Good stuff, take massive action, you know, try different things. You know, I often find it's like this is an opportunity for you to, like you know, explore. You know, depending on where you are in your life, maybe you do a lot of little different things, maybe do something you've never done. Maybe you, instead of going right back and getting a job, take some, take a trip, go you know whatever, take a class right, go back to school. Who know?
Samantha Pruitt:exactly, allow it to be limitless yeah, yeah.
Polly Mertens:So just to recap, first step, you know, release it process, change the energy. Second step get the lesson, get the gift. Third step dreamscape, imagine what's possible. And four decide and take some action, like you're a new you, a better you. It's a good thing that this happened for you, right, all right. So what's the one thing we want to remind them of? What's the one thing? If they only got one thing out of today's episode and you said it, I'll say it back to you.
Samantha Pruitt:Yeah.
Polly Mertens:Don't choose, because it is a choice to be a victim. If somebody closes the door upon you, or if you choose to close the door, whatever the scenario is, don't drop into that as a victim. How would you say that differently? That's what's so like. The door is closed, so what like? So what are you going to do now? Right, and anything that you say after that. So what the meaning that you make right of like the door closed? The story that you tell yourself is going to disempower you or it's going to empower you and tell an empowering story, because guess what it is like.
Polly Mertens:I don't know about you, but when I, you know, hindsight 2020. We always have the perspective Once we look back, you know, in a month from that door closing, six years from that door closing, whatever you go, that was probably the best moment of my life, or I'm so glad that happened, or what a gift that was. We can't necessarily the lens can be. You know, the broader and the hindsight can get better as time grows, but I think in honoring that, so something happened. So what?
Samantha Pruitt:So now, what. So now, what Now?
Polly Mertens:what Beautiful humans.
Samantha Pruitt:It's such an exciting time, yeah, for all of us.
Polly Mertens:Door's opening, man, Door's opening. Door closes, door opens. You just got to find it. You're like, oh well, that one's closed Universe then pours a vacuum. Okay, where am I to take my beautiful self? Next?
Samantha Pruitt:Pick the most colorful door you can find next, please. Amen and you say yours would be rainbows and sparkles you know, just at least a pop of color, please. Yeah, yeah.
Polly Mertens:No, compromise no compromise. All right, my beautiful sister. Yeah, let's remind them our beautiful closing. What do we want to tell them today?
Samantha Pruitt:Well, this one this is how your life feels is more important than how it looks. Ba-bam.
Polly Mertens:Boom, and every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.
