The Everyday Awesome Project

78: We Are All Just Here To Walk Each Other Home...

• Polly Mertens & Samantha Pruitt • Season 1 • Episode 78

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This week Coach Sam reveals her new forearm tattoo —"We are all just here to walk each other home." This beautiful conversation is about grief, death and the liberating Buddhist philosophy that everything is impermanent. Together we explore this profound realization and its powerful implications for how we live, love, and eventually leave this world.

Death touches all of us. Whether sudden or prolonged, expected or shocking, the experience of losing someone we love (or facing our own mortality) can be transformative. Yet our culture often keeps these conversations hidden behind closed doors, leaving us unprepared and isolated when grief arrives.

This episode pulls back the curtain on what it means to truly show up for each other during life's final transitions. Coach Polly shares the inspiring story of "Planet Gale," a friends social media account documenting her elderly mother's "aggressive kindness" that has unexpectedly connected with thousands of people worldwide. Through this lens, we explore how documenting someone's final chapter can deepen our understanding of them and of ourselves. With humor, truth and vulnerability we can open up our hearts and minds to the shared human experience where pain and healing merge together. 

Ever heard of "grief fatigue"? It's that bone-deep exhaustion that comes after pouring yourself completely into caring for someone through illness and death. Unlike shock, it's an earned exhaustion—a sign you've loved someone all the way home. We discuss how to recognize it in yourself and honor this sacred depletion instead of fighting through it.

Coach Polly challenges the very notion of "loss," drawing on near-death experiences and various spiritual perspectives to reframe our understanding of what happens when someone dies. What if, instead of losing someone, a new relationship begins? The stories we share about continuing bonds with loved ones after death might forever change how you think about mortality and connection.

From planning your own celebration of life to leaving "homework assignments" for loved ones after you're gone like Coach Sam has, we offer practical and creative ways to honor those who've passed while breaking the taboo around these essential conversations.

Whether you're currently supporting someone through illness, grieving a recent death, or simply curious about your own mortality with greater openness, this episode invites you to rip the proverbial duct tape off your mouth and say what matters most—before it's too late. Because in the end, we truly are all just here to walk each other home.

Homework: What conversations do you need to have today?

-Coach Sam and Coach Polly xoxo

@everydayawesomeproject 

Follow Coach Polly @getbusythriving and Coach Sam @thesamanthapruitt

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Samantha Pruitt:

hey superstars, welcome back polly here and sam, what's up?

Polly Mertens:

beautiful humans, yo yo we have a topic that I don't know if you picked. Clicked on this because you saw the, the teaser of what we're talking about, and I really want to embrace this topic as one that we feel like more people should be talking about, right? So how we pick this topic is somebody got a new tattoo recently what does it say that through that?

Polly Mertens:

we are all just here to walk each other home. That's what Sam's new tattoo says on her forearm her left forearm we're all just here to walk each other home. What is the info behind that, my dear? What are?

Samantha Pruitt:

we talking about. It is a Buddhist saying. So that's the roots of it. It most resonates enough with me, enough for me to put it on my body. So this is a big deal, because the only other tattoo I have on my body is Iron man and Ultra Woman on my back. This saying quote philosophy is so incredibly important to me and means so much to me, and as I want it to be a daily reminder and actually a constant reminder, that's why I put it where I put it, so I could read it. By the way, this isn't for the outside world, because you actually don't see it if I have my arms down or whatever, but I see it.

Samantha Pruitt:

So this is for me Exactly, and what it means is that gentle, loving reminder that everything is impermanent, which is the found, is in foundation of buddhism also and that in the, the reality of that impermanence, it's everything around us, of course, myself and my physical body in my life and and you and everybody that I love, but everything is impermanent. And in that deep knowing and actually becoming at peace with that reality, what rang very true for me was just my own way of being in the world, and what I want to continue to do into my last days is to be with people Completely present, completely engaged completely in knowing them, understanding them, being with them as we walk home together.

Polly Mertens:

I love that.

Samantha Pruitt:

I love that.

Polly Mertens:

So I'll share what sparked our conversation that led to, well, obviously, your tattoo. That was like a check this out moment, and then I think I was down. So I took a train ride down and train ride back today this week in California, where I live, to visit a friend whose mom passed away a couple days ago and so to comfort her in her grief and just be there in whatever she needed. So you and I have been in yet another conversation around the word loss, which I don't love that word around the word loss, which I don't love, that word Is it? You know, it's something that we use in our culture, but just the process and my experience of being around her and you know her family and what that was like, and so we're like we should talk about this. You know, and she shared with me. You know, or maybe now's a good time, I'll just talk about the.

Polly Mertens:

So her mom was in her mid eights and she actually created a beautiful so this this is dedicated to my friend Nessa, just I'll say that into her mom, gail. So she created this beautiful social media channel a couple of years ago, maybe like two years ago, to just forget how she and I talked about it and she just was like oh, I'm going to post these. So we had an inspo because I lost my cat, lost pisa, passed away. Her dog was still around. I was like, girl, you need to start taking videos of tedder the cheddar before, um, something that's his name teddy, tedder, cheddar, um, or teddy before he passes, because we don't know when the last time is and I want you to have enough memories of him. So she started she's just a whiz at creativity and social media. So she started a little Teddy, you know social media channel, started doing that. And then I don't know when she got the inspiration to start doing it for her mom, but she was spending a lot of time at Gale planet, gale Check it out.

Polly Mertens:

So good. So, like within the I think it was in the first two weeks it shot up. She was like, oh my God, I've got 10,000 followers. I was like your, what your mom's taught what, and then all of a sudden it was like over 300,000 followers.

Samantha Pruitt:

She's got this whole. Grannies are having a moment dude Grannies are having a freaking moment and it's aggressive.

Polly Mertens:

Kindness was what her mom was about, or that's so good. She was on TV. She was on like the local news. I even interviewed her because she her thing. Every day she had missions. I was, I was talking to her this week and she's like man. Every day my mom had a mission. She was like, ok, I'm going to the fire department, I'm going to the doctor's office with with Oreos and snacks from Costco and, you know, plums from her tree or whatever. And it was just all about being out in the world, giving, giving, giving, giving. Like anybody that she came into contact with. It was aggressive, like she's like, oh, no, this is really good. They're like no, we're okay. She's like you should try it. It's unopened, it's totally so cute. And she's this little tiny thing with tie dye head to toe. Just you know, in a hippie.

Samantha Pruitt:

That's freaking incredible. I hope someone follows my old ass around and takes videos of my adventures, because I'm going to be doing some weird shit I'm already doing some weird shit.

Polly Mertens:

Mom needs it.

Samantha Pruitt:

Mom needs a around with a video camera be like uh, where's she going today? We'll see when we get there, and so her journey the last few years, you know.

Polly Mertens:

So she moved down to oceanside californ this is probably five years ago, moved mom with her and mom went into assisted living maybe a year ago, I think, not even, maybe not even that long ago just was getting too hard to be on her own. She was still driving, you know all that stuff, but just started having more and more health challenges. But still up at you know, first thing in the morning, going out, getting to her Trader Joe's and you know she'd come over to her house with all sorts of stuff. But there was this. So, as I was with her this week, so I'm going to tell you. So that's the backstory of, you know, caring for mom, going to all mom's doctor's appointments, doing this channel for mom, like and it was a growth for her, like at the end she and I had like about a 45 minute cry the week.

Polly Mertens:

The week her mom passed away on Monday, we had about a 45 minute cry on Saturday when she's like, yeah, mom's dying, you know when she knew and, um, we both have, um, that abrasive you know kind of time with our mom. So we always bonded on that and I was like I really appreciate what you've done for your mom's channel because you have so not only shared her with the world, but you get her now and she goes Polly, I finally let her in. Wow, polly, I finally let her in. Wow, like she finally let her in and she got who her mom was different than how she saw her and she's so quirky and you know all this stuff. I don't know if mom just wore her down or whatever, but like, so you know, and she's, at the end, just was not that was that aggressive kindness.

Polly Mertens:

It works yeah, just being around it so much she's like wait a minute, maybe this isn't the person.

Samantha Pruitt:

I think it is right being around the human and spending the time. Like my tattoo says, we're walking each other home now, meaning in real time, this moment together, you and I, the listener, currently, like every day in our everyday moments, we're on the path. Why, why are we letting people in? Yeah, yeah, well letting them, see us and all the story you know.

Polly Mertens:

So there's all this you know before this channel. And then, as she went, walked through this channel and sharing all these posts about her mom. You know she's telling her mom's story, right, she's telling the story, she's weaving the story. So she wove it, you know, and she said, as my mom got older, towards the end, I would tell her stories because she would forget them, she would forget pieces of you know a little bit of Alzheimer's and stuff her stories because she would forget them or she would forget pieces of you know a little bit of alzheimer's and stuff. And I was like, yeah, she was, she was teaching you, she was training you, you know, to remember her stories and and her, yeah, so you know what I. So maybe we'll work backwards.

Polly Mertens:

So what I saw as I went down to visit with her was just exhaustion, right, that post, grief exhaustion. And we looked, she sent me a text after it was. She's like I talked to chat GBT and this is what, and there's this post that comes for her. It's like what is grief fatigue? So, chat GBT, it's all prim and proper. It's like grief fatigue is the body and mind's natural response to the immense emotional, physical and nervous system effort required to love someone all the way through death.

Samantha Pruitt:

Wow, that's beautiful.

Polly Mertens:

Pretty fucking profound. Thank you very much. Right, it's not the numb disassociation of shock, it's not like oh my God, the loss, right, which is more like a disconnection. It's a kind of earned exhaustion, a deep depletion after having poured yourself out so completely. Whoa, I was like this is some brown, brown shit, right, yeah, grief, yeah, so signs of grief, fatigue, just you know like this is what it looked like, so needing low or no stimulation, like she's, like I can't look at my phone, I don't want to talk to anybody, I don't want to go outside. Really, you know, whatever sounds like conversations feel abrasive of it and I could just tell I was like just want to be there, and you know you might be chatty, kathy, trying to fill the space and stuff. I was like she to be there and you know you might be chatty, kathy, trying to fill the space and stuff. I was like she wants to talk to it we talk, she doesn't.

Polly Mertens:

She doesn't. So I wasn't like initiating conversation trying to get her. Like you know the coach in me, you know when somebody's going through something, you know you just want them to talk about it and stuff. Not in this situation. Nope, nope, um, they crave, rest and doing nothing, like we literally watched a couple of episodes of some random show. She was binge-watching, yeah, it was just like. Just so her mind could, like her nervous system could be at ease.

Samantha Pruitt:

Mm-hmm.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, so you feel mostly okay, You're very fragile, not actively sobbing, so she wasn't. Like you know, we did a little bit of that on Saturday. But beforehand not in denial, but with a deep underlying awareness of the loss, Right Strong sense of mental and emotional limits she was like, yep, I can't do that with you guys. You know. Like you know, go to the whatever. Like she wanted to go get a massage. She's like I'm just going to go get a massage. She's like I'm just gonna go get a massage and I want it this way and that's it. And body feeling heavy, slow, lower energy and then why it happens, your body has moved through anticipatory grief for weeks or months or years or years, like when is it going to happen?

Polly Mertens:

never knowing, knowing Right, all sorts of things like that. So yeah, you held immense amounts of vigilance and advocacy energy.

Samantha Pruitt:

That's empowering.

Polly Mertens:

Right, that's empowering, advocating for that person that, especially in the dementia or in the cancer, when they're weakened, yeah, my mom.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, like that Experience, deep ways of raw grief during the active dying process, right especially towards the end, when you can see it. You know, like you, you know what's coming. You understood the finality of the passing which brings an emotional collapse moment where the system finally is allowed to release, just like okay, after this marathon of love and loss, your nervous system, your nervous system, essentially says we cannot run on this level anymore. We need to turn down the volume, we need deep rest, we need space to process this in pieces.

Samantha Pruitt:

Yeah, that's all chat. Tbt. I was like holy smokes.

Polly Mertens:

That's pretty good. That's very good for chat, tbt, so share some, you know. So that's what I walked into and just it was about holy space, giving yourself, giving myself permission not to initiate conversations, have to do like don't need to dote over or whatever, just being right.

Samantha Pruitt:

I mean, I guess the obvious thing to backtrack just a little bit is like this can happen in so many different ways, but it is inevitable, it will happen to all of us. So just being like this is true for all of us. And then how it can happen differently for different people is it can be a sudden death or loss. We'll just call it death. It's passing. It can be sudden and shocking, and that comes with its own experience. It can be prolonged watching the person you love yeah suffer in pain or with health challenges or psychological challenges.

Samantha Pruitt:

it can also happen. It happen in a way where the person is, in cases of like dementia or Alzheimer's, slowly leaving you yeah, physically not leaving you before they've left Exactly. Yeah, so this just. There's so many different ways that this can happen, but it will happen to all of us, and for some of us it will happen a lot and frequently, and for others it will happen very little. It's just different. But the point is, we all are going to experience this at some point.

Polly Mertens:

If we haven't already Right.

Samantha Pruitt:

If we haven't already, and many, many times. So learning some skills and also just having that really deep understanding for this really basic truth that we're all going through this together allows each of us to be able to have conversations about it. So what I want the most from this podcast today is for people to be able to talk about it. I've experienced a lot of death all the way from starting at 10, all the way through and I mean I can think of 30 people and these are all within arm reach of me and it could be fast, quick losses that are traumatic, all the way to their prolonged suffering experiences.

Samantha Pruitt:

And until I was many, many years down the pipeline in adulting, I really didn't talk about it, stuffed it down, just keep moving, don't know what to say, don't know how to process all of those things. As I became more of my own self through, you know, evolving myself, personal growth I started to slowly chip away at making terms with all of this kind of stuff, you know. And then, in this recent foray into understanding what is just a different way of thinking in the world, now I'm really comfortable having these conversations showing up to these spaces and I don't, and even in some cases, like you and I had and I've had several friends, unfortunately, that have committed suicide Like sometimes that person takes their own life, and that's a whole other experience for us to be all the people left behind part of in group.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, yeah. So parents, oh my gosh, the parents and the children.

Samantha Pruitt:

Oh, it just wears so many different coats. And there's cultural upbringing, there's religious upbringing and ideas. There's there's things on top of it that will impact how we think about it, how we relate to it, how we do or do not process it. So we just want to sort of say to everybody that we respect wherever they're at. There's no right and wrong here. There is definitely a reality that it's true for all of us. We will experience this and, however you want to go about that, we're just here to spark a conversation and kind of open a door up for healing.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, it's really a conversation that we wanted to have and based on, you know, you getting that tattoo and then this week I'm right in parallel, over here in supporting a friend in grief and you, in the background, have a brother who's you know, been fighting his battle with cancer. You've got a mother-in-law who's you know, in her late 90s or mid 90s. I've got an aunt and uncle, you know, having health challenges greater and greater here and there. So my mom, who had a heart attack and second one in the hospital, resuscitated from death on life support for two. You know it's like okay, having these moments, right, and I think you and I, even, like you said, we respect wherever anyone is at.

Polly Mertens:

This is a conversation, this isn't a judgment, this isn't a listen to us, we have all the answers, but it's an inquiry, it's a discovery, it's for us to discover more about what is for us, you know, and I remember the first. Well, I do remember the first animal dying, right, talk about that. And I remember the first in-law. He was a 90 year old, great, great uncle Not too much related, but you know, whatever, and I was actually caretaking for him right after college, so, like I was his, he was in the next bedroom, next bedroom, right, so like I'm looking after him for years before that. So you know there's also that phase of that caretaking, like you said, if it's sudden or surprising or instantaneous you don't have. Well, there's different levels of your response to that. But what I have seen people that I know, like especially my mom with my, her, my stepdad, his decline with Parkinson's towards the end and other little things the last three years seeing him just the person who's the caretaker, right, and God bless our caretakers. The caretaker needs caretaking too.

Samantha Pruitt:

Oh yeah, I'm just speaking about myself. My own experience when I have been part of the caretaking journey and in whatever capacity, and being able to bear witness to the lead up of an inevitable passing it felt like an incredible gift, not a burden, yeah, and it wasn't it couldn't be a burden financially and time and energy.

Samantha Pruitt:

So I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about there's a realization and a slow progression to having conversations. My mom had cancer twice, so literally she was sick from the age I was nine until she died at 67. So just that's a very prolonged situation. But at the end it became very, very evident when she could no longer breathe on her own Right, and even before that, um, we were nearing the end of this journey.

Samantha Pruitt:

So the gift of being able to spend time, have conversations, be with in silence, be of support, whatever just allowed me and has allowed me in other cases to work away, chip away almost at. How do I feel about this? Am Am I going to be at peace with this? Is there anything I need to say to myself or to this individual that I'm caring for? And that's incredible to me. When you have those opportunities, I mean, it's just, it can be totally magical, and I hope that more people give themselves that gift. Even if it's someone they don't talk to for whatever reason, to be able to make peace with it on their own terms is incredibly powerful.

Polly Mertens:

You know, I'm picturing, as you said, that like rip the duct tape off your mouth, right? So like I have this like invisible duct tape that we walk around the people that we love that can't say something whatever. That is like a forgiveness or regret I love you or whatever. You know, it's just like this invisible duct tape that prevents us, right, and it's all in our mind. I remember when my mom was in the hospital here a couple of months ago she was on life support and didn't know if she's I ripped the duct tape off. Oh yeah, couldn't. Who knows, I don't think you know subconsciously whatever, subliminally hurt or whatever, but I'll be damned. She did wake up from you know, and I said the things again. I fucking said you know if I can take that damn duct tape off?

Polly Mertens:

then, when she can't hear. I'm a fucking stand for being strong enough to get these. It's words, it's your truth. It's words, it's your truth. Yeah, and that's been opening up new dimensions with my mom, right? So, like, totally take that damn duct tape off of your mouth. Say the things to the people that matter left and right of you, hug them, touch them, look them in, be with them, spend time with them like this as weekend.

Polly Mertens:

There was a lot going on in my life and I hadn't been in person with my mom in a couple weeks and I recognized that and it was like a thing to go visit her like 45 minutes up there, and I call her and she's like I'm in bed. And you know I was like, well, I'm gonna bring you coffee and I just wouldn't take no for an answer. I was like I'm going to see her. Like those ripping the duct tape off or whatever the obstacles between me and her were, I get there. She's like oh look, I showered, I'm up. It was like God damn it, you know, like just being at cause in my life to create connection and those moments that she could have fallen the next day and like I've been like, oh, I didn't go see my mom yesterday. Like no, I did.

Samantha Pruitt:

I did. Can I just make a bold statement to the listener that don't wait to be invited, Don't wait to be invited no-transcript when literally she was getting this cancer is reoccurring and recurring, reoccurring, and there was really no more treatment available. Everybody just disappeared and it was because they were so, I think, sad and didn't know what to say. And it was like this really harsh reality of, like you know, she's the warrior, she's battling, she's winning, that we're rallying, rallying, rallying. There's nothing to rally behind anymore. Fuck that. Rallying behind her entire journey and the fact that she's still with us. And it was difficult because she was a little bit resistant to having anybody come and see her and she was very sad and very distraught and it was incredibly painful. And I'm not saying I forced my way in, but I basically just said I'll freaking wait it out and sit in the car in front of my house until you're ready. And if I sit here all day today and you give me five minutes at the door, then that's what I'm going to take.

Polly Mertens:

Exactly that's how I was with my friend. You know. I took a train down there. I rushed down the next day and I got the message oh, we don't want to see visitors today. I was like, well, I'll just be. You know, I'm in an.

Polly Mertens:

Airbnb nearby. You just say when you feel like it and I'll just be ready, I'll be waiting for you, and the next day, okay, come over at noon. And I was like okay, and it was like low key, totally get that. They set the tone right, you follow it. But they want support more than they sometimes know. Some don't, you know, granted, everybody's in a different phase and stuff like that. So honor people's requests and also, like you said, don't take no necessarily for you know, for an answer, especially when they're healthy and everything's fine and they're just are excuses about not to see you get together. It's like, no, we're getting together, we're doing, you know Well, like what you did.

Samantha Pruitt:

We'll just sit and watch TV or we'll just sit and whatever. Yeah, sit next to each other and talk about Go for a drive. You want to do that? Yeah, exactly, you know, it doesn't have to be. Let's talk about the illness or the inevitable passing. You don't have to have those kinds of conversations. But I'm telling you, it's incredibly liberating. When you can and when that person is ready and, I hope, when it's my time, I'm going to have all kinds of conversations. I hope to have those. I want people around me and I want to tell stories and I want to laugh and I want to, you know, do crazy things and I want to be able to fully express whatever is happening for me and for them. I want to bear witness to them and I want them to bear witness to me.

Samantha Pruitt:

That's why we're freaking here.

Polly Mertens:

And, depending on what their symptoms are, right, like the injury, the stress, the bodily, you know rest that they need. Yeah, respect that Of course, you can be with someone and be present and it and it can have a positive impact. Or you can be with someone who can make it worse. So, like be a positive impact, be a positive energy, like just hold that space, even, just be like, yeah, we're good over here, you're good over there.

Samantha Pruitt:

Let me tell you what not to do it over here. You're good over there.

Polly Mertens:

Let me tell you what not to do, seeing this go horribly wrong.

Samantha Pruitt:

I have Okay, again, trying to do this without judgment. I've seen this. I probably have done it, but I definitely have witnessed it and been like what the fuck? Don't make that person responsible for your feelings. Okay, so you do have grief and you might have resentment or regret or whatever All the things are you have. That's your story. Don't bring that to the person who is in the battle and drop their, your shit on them. Right, yeah, no more drama. Be careful with that.

Polly Mertens:

They need no more drama, you know. So like low stress zone, low, I've seen people.

Samantha Pruitt:

Literally, they are on their way to exiting the building and they're worried about how is so and so going to do, and how is this and how is my illness or death or whatever going to hurt them and that, and I'm like what? Yeah, that's, that's a no go, ok, okay, sorry, that was my little rant, but I thank you.

Polly Mertens:

Well, I want to shift to a little bit, to something we talked about sharing, and that is like the honoring of them, like yeah, so, yeah, let's share to the positive a couple things.

Polly Mertens:

So one of the things my friend did and when her mom was, you know, laying in bed, um after she passed, is, um, somebody had brought a bunch of flowers, so she put the flowers all around her and they're, like I said, mom's aggressive kindness was like snacks and you know whatever, and so they just like put in the bed with her kind of like yeah, like little oreos.

Polly Mertens:

She was famous for giving out oreos and then cards. So Planet Gale had a bunch of subscribers and they rallied around her. Yeah, so they sent cards to her and flowers and just like it made my friend feel good to just have her be with the things that were a part of her life, or her message, if you will.

Samantha Pruitt:

That is freaking. So beautiful it was.

Samantha Pruitt:

I'm just going to throw in this crazy story because, as you were telling this, I was thinking about some friends I have experienced after they passed and what we did or didn't do, and then kind of what my idea is about myself is I will be leaving things for other people because that's how I will. So I will be leaving things for other people because that's how I run. So I will be leaving homework assignments, and you're all best get ready for these homework assignments. So I plan to be cremated. So there will be ashes and you know I'm a pretty decent size human. There'll be a lot of ashes. I'm going to spread this shit around.

Polly Mertens:

Somebody's got to run across the country and sprinkle like a pixie dust.

Samantha Pruitt:

You know, like for real, if you get a little vile Samantha pixie dust with a homework assignment, that's no joke. You got to make that shit happen and it will be in a way of honoring and celebrating me, like there's so many ways to do that. And with other friends I have gotten things back, I have gotten notes, I have gotten pieces left for me, things left for me. I've gotten some people's ashes, like I've all kinds of, and it's always been a little bit different and it was kind of whatever was going on for that person and how that went. Um, but I, I just love there are so many different ways to honor somebody and pay tribute to their life, to celebrate their life. Be as creative as you want. Plan your own damn funeral.

Samantha Pruitt:

I have to tell you about something amazing I watched. I watch a lot of amazing things. One was about legal euthanasia for people dying who have terminal illnesses. It's a Netflix miniseries. We'll put a little in the show notes. Blew my mind. Blew my mind Gave me a really incredible experience. I do have some people that have chosen that path and it gave me a greater understanding for where they were at with it and all of that stuff and that inevitably might be something I have to choose.

Samantha Pruitt:

Um, and then another was uh, a docu series called you can't ask that and one of the series was, or one of the episodes was, on terminally ill and they interviewed terminally ill people who are young, all ages, all different. It was so beautiful, incredible. It was very empowering to hear what these people were doing and how they felt about it and what they were getting up to with their life while they were still here and the impact they want to have and all that stuff. And many of them were planning their own funeral and their own celebration of life and there was some cool shit ideas and I was like this is so amazing. So I'm not a traditional religious person and so those kinds of things around ceremony I don't really connect or relate to, but I respect that. But there's a thousand different ways to honor somebody.

Polly Mertens:

Oh true.

Samantha Pruitt:

And shouldn't it be a reflection of their life, their desires, their wishes, their legacy?

Polly Mertens:

yeah, especially if you know it in advance and you can like write that like a. I think there was a friend of mine's, friend of a friend anyway. He was older, maybe 78, and he planned a party for his family afterward and I remember recently they were at the party Like they were having the party that he planned. I'm having a party too.

Samantha Pruitt:

A friend of mine and then handing out homework, a party, a wife, and it was a huge party. Like, literally, we were in San Francisco, on the Bay of San Francisco, overlooking the freaking bay. In this it was gorgeous, it was incredible. The amount, the hundreds of people who were there, was a little bit like Whoa, damn, this person has touched some fricking lives and the stories and the photographs and there was music, I mean it was really exquisite. Wow, you know, and I thought, damn, and they did know she was going to pass. It was a terminal cancer. I don't know how much her wife had to plan and actually planning the party, but, um, I would love to tell some of those stories, that's that just sounds like a whole.

Polly Mertens:

like the celebration you know, my I was thinking of just sharing like a couple little small honorings. You know, like I, when I heard, um, so I had this friend, I was probably in my late 20s and sad. She drank herself to death like she was in another state. I, you know, we became friends in our early 20s, moved away, didn't talk to her too much anyway, found out she died of alcoholism. Oh so, like I, I was like, oh, I just want to honor her and was a little sudden, didn't know about it. So I just gathered a bouquet of flowers and a friend of mine's like I'll go with you. We hiked up to the top of this mountain and just did an honoring ceremony with that and, you know, shed flowers on her behalf.

Polly Mertens:

And then I had a dear friend that was a really close friend of mine. He passed a little suddenly of a heart attack and he was a big kayaker. He loved kayaking in the Morro Bay and the water and stuff, and so I just got some flowers and I went out there and just like near the kayaks, and I just, you know, put flowers in the ocean and honoring him in whatever way works for you and that's different for anyone, anyone. And I mean there's places in different parts of this world where it's a freaking celebration and party, like they go out beautifully and in a bonfire, whatever, right, instead of this word loss, like I'm not relating, like, especially when we talk about, you know, this veil, like you know. So we're gonna start getting into the woo-woo a little bit, I think, here with my study of near death experiences and just amazingness.

Polly Mertens:

That is, this perspective we have of what human life is as opposed to death is right, and I don't know all the religious texts and what they say about it, but I've heard of the pearly gates and the God meets you in the clouds, kind of thing, and you get this judgment and I'm like that ain't what people are talking about. That's not, that's not what people are talking about who have done it for five minutes, 20 minutes, whatever, and then they come back, or in their coma for three months, whatever. None of that, you know. It's no judge and jury, none of that.

Polly Mertens:

It's pure bliss, love, peace, harmony, all you know, just like they're, like it is indescribable, the love, like I said, our planet. We don't have words, we have nothing that can compare to it. It's 100x any kind of version of love you've ever felt and it's instantaneous. You come out of the body and you're in that, in that field, and it's like, why would we look at that as lost? Like they're fat, like, and a lot of them have this when they different ones have like, oh, they go through a tunnel, whatever. They're all often talk about being magnetized to a light and that when they get close to the light and they get into that field, it's like that's home, it's not lost.

Polly Mertens:

actually, you talk about we're all walking each other back home it's absolutely home and it's like all the ones that I hear about, especially the ones that have something painful before they pop out of their body. They're like, oh, thank god I'm out of that thing, like relief, it's a huge. They're like oh, that's not me, that's just like a body that I came to inhabit. But the soul is eternal and endless and love and it's joy and it feels fantastic to be quote dead. Ever since I've started saying something like take me anytime, all good. Like I'm happy alive, I'm quote dead. And ever since I've started saying something like take me anytime, all good. Like I'm happy alive, I'm happy dead, you know, and so much.

Polly Mertens:

What they talk about is you know, we have these identities. Let's say that like how we see ourself and these limiting beliefs of you know what we're capable of or not capable of. And over there they're like you're actually still yourself, like your, your soul, your core of who you are is still the core of who you are, whether you're like a blob or an orb or whatever you, the perception you have you're not in a body. Instead of all these things you know, and especially when you have any kind of a psychedelic or plant medicine journey, oftentimes I think that part of that opens you up to shedding what the mind construct looks like. So you can see that before death, if you will, and realize oh my God, what, what is going on here, right? So my, my paradigm now has fully shifted to death is not a place that you're lost, place that and you too, like you say you have conversations, right, like how can we share about that?

Samantha Pruitt:

Exactly so. One of the things I want to mention well, kind of tagging under what you just said is, you know, depending on your belief system and you know how you feel about things, aren't we all Part of the earth and the planets? Right, so we're all energy, and so there's this physical body, of course. But then when the physical body is gone, just the physical body is gone, Right, and you know, you can think about things like do we go back to the earth? Are we part of the earth at that point? Or part of the atmosphere, or what do we fertilizer?

Samantha Pruitt:

kind of to be nothing the bottom becomes fertilizer, where it's the energy that comes in exactly and it's cool to think about some different philosophies, whatever that might be, whether it's reincarnation, or going back to the earth and becoming part of the soil and then ultimately regenerating the damn tree that's right there, or feeding the animals, or whatever, whatever you want to think about all that stuff, it's kind of limitless how you can, you know, and depending on, like your experience or my experience so there's that Open up your mind to other possibilities, other possibilities. And then, secondarily for me, what I have heard a lot from people and what I initially felt and battled with and then had to make peace with and kind of figure out for myself, is not being able to talk to that person again. Just the pain and grief and heaviness of that was shattering, heartbreaking. And so, in trying to understand that A is that even true? And B can I choose another way that maybe will allow me to feel differently about this and not be stuck in that cycle of suffering?

Polly Mertens:

The disconnection like, oh they're gone.

Samantha Pruitt:

Uh-huh. Well, that actually isn't true for me anymore. So I started to open my mind to. I can talk to these people whenever I damn well feel like it, because they're still there in the energy field or in the earth or whatever your belief system is, figure it out, but they're still there. And then for me, they, these people, visit me. They'll visit me and energy, but they'll show up mostly when I'm in nature.

Samantha Pruitt:

A lot of times it's an animal form and I right away will feel the energy of a particular person could be my mother, could be my friend, could be whatever. There they are. You know our friend who passed away from suicide last year, like she's definitely in black crows, anytime a black crow. I'm like, okay, I hear you, I see you, like I'm not ignoring you. Let's have a chit-chat. Check in, you know, and it's really fun for me. It feels good, it fills my soul, it makes my heart feel warm, it makes me feel connected to them, and we have our little chit-chatting experience and then I go on about my day and it's quite beautiful and just lovely, you know. So there's lots of different ways you can go about this kind of stuff to feel connected to them still and to have conversations with them still.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, and I think there's. You know, everyone has the. You know as the people who channel or connect very intuitively and easily. They would say that we all have that capability. It's whether we honor it, we practice it, we open up the doorways to it. So, whatever your belief system is, if you like the sound of that, you're like give it a try.

Samantha Pruitt:

There's nothing spooky about it. These people were in our life. Yeah, part of many of them part of our DNA, yeah, okay, so there's still part of us. Like I'm literally a result of my parents and my ancestors DNA and you're going to try and tell me they're still part of us, like I'm literally a result of my parents and my ancestors DNA and you're going to try and tell me they're not still in my DNA. What the hell? I mean, that's just science. You guys are tuned in, right, let's go walking around together.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, and I think there's a lot of movies that have like bastardized ghosts or something you know like the idea of ghosts is like a scary thing. It's like, okay, we're not talking about goat, whatever you know, forget what you've seen in movies and stuff. That's not it. It's like the essence, the core, the soul, the energy like you're talking about. And you know what? What I hear a lot in these NDEs is um, it's just different over there, like there's no time, there's no space, there's no body, there's no talking, there's no ears, you know whatever. It's just a lot of oneness and love and, um, like, if you do recognize different energies, like, let's say, you're an orb and I'm an orb, whatever, just relatively, like we communicate quickly, osmosisly. It's like I have a thought about you, but you know about it and like you feel it like a knowing right, or you know, and there's lots of that, and it just I told you a story about trail running last week with a friend of mine who is on this religious path.

Samantha Pruitt:

She's going on the Camino. We were just talking about all kinds of different things, getting to know each other. She's really one of my gym buddies I didn't know that well, you know. So hey, let's go trail running and, um, I and I asked her about her religious beliefs and kind of this pilgrimage that she's going on, etc. And she shared with me her belief about death and, in particular, a story of she's asleep pregnant with her daughter and during her nighttime sleep, or in the space that she wasn't really sure if she was sleeping or not she was visited by her grandmother, who had passed, wow, clear as day, and grandma gave her some very specific instructions and information about the baby girl that she was going to give birth to. Oh, you're going to have a girl and it was fascinating the stuff that she was telling her when she was going to be born. It really was trippy stuff, okay. And then the grandmother told her to get up and go do something and she did that. Act after she feel.

Samantha Pruitt:

For myself, her beliefs are that there are angels and they come back and visit and they will share information with you whether you're asleep, awake, whatever's happening, and you can do whatever you want with that. But for her it was incredibly loving and empowering and makes her feel very strongly about her own passing and her own connection to others. And it's just was a beautiful story, and this is just us trail running up and down the mountain for an hour. But what I love, and the reason I'm telling this story, is can we just encourage more conversation? Like not to judge each other. I didn't say well, angels aren't real. What the hell are you? You must've been hallucinating while you're sleeping and making the. You were in a dream state. No, it was like your story is incredible. It's not my story, but it's your story, and I love the fact that we're able to even talk about these things. Yeah, you know, discover for ourselves.

Polly Mertens:

Yeah, because exactly, exactly know, and I think that discovering more, like you know what I know. There's people listening to this and us included. There's things that we know now that we didn't believe were possible or were different 10 years ago, you know, or 10 years before that.

Samantha Pruitt:

Yeah.

Polly Mertens:

Maybe some of what we're talking about or somebody sharing with you you just haven't discovered yet for yourself, but maybe there you know somebody's you know shares is like hey, like we're all in different classrooms, right? It's like, oh, hey, I've learned this about this. Oh, let me look at what you're learning. That's interesting. Maybe it's not for you right now and you know it doesn't fascinate you or doesn't resonate OK, but Just take a listen. I love your curiosity, always curious and discovering, right Like totally, totally and making these conversations not be taboo.

Samantha Pruitt:

Like, I have a mother-in-law who's 96. She's going to leave us at some point. I'm going to leave the world at some point. Why can't I have a conversation with her about how does she feel about that? How does she want her life to be celebrated? Is there anything that she wants for her legacy that I can help facilitate? If I don't know these things, I can't do these things Like.

Polly Mertens:

I want to pay deep respect and honor to her, of course, but I need to unpack that from her wild brain well, and I remember you know this is probably 15 years ago trying to have conversations with my mom you know, as she, let's say, was creating a trust or something like that and it was like nope, neither one of us could, we just could not have the conversation. It was just too sensitive and raw and stuff. And then you know, as this one gets older, then you think like, well, we need to have the. I mean like literally, when she was in the hospital she hadn't signed her will. I was like, but you need to sign the will, but like, don't wait for that and just have a different.

Polly Mertens:

You know it can be hard and you can get through it. You know you can have the courage. Have the you're going to be okay and you can get through it. You know you can have the courage. Have the you're going to be okay, right, you're going to be okay. Having to, like, rip the duct tape off your mouth and talk about those things, have uncomfortable feelings, have uncomfortable that can become more comfortable. That's how we have, you know, a comfort zone is because something that was uncomfortable suddenly became comfortable and that's our new normal right.

Samantha Pruitt:

So, telling somebody you love them, love them, telling them you're sorry telling them the things that you don't want to wait until you tell them right and if this is really really hard for you to face, either for yourself or about people that you love, like it's just so hard for you to embrace the reality, it is perhaps a good idea to get around a community where they're talking about it, where it is an accepted conversation. Buddhism is one example, but there are other spaces or groups or religions or whatever where it is part of a really like. Day of the Dead is an incredible celebration of all people who have died before us in a really incredibly artistic, like magical, celebratory way. So in cultures there are great opportunities If you're part of one of these cultures or you're curious about them, to go show up and be like about them to go show up and be like oh wow.

Samantha Pruitt:

Okay, this is a normal part of this journey. Probably take it down a few notches.

Polly Mertens:

So I have a thought about, like our one thing, and I would love to hear yours, like um, it's that. I mean we, we say this so often on this podcast, but it's like always. It's like don like say the thing, do the thing, talk to the person, be in the uncomfortable space, like, do the thing that maybe feels awkward or uncomfortable, or, but I promise you, on the other side of it, there's some, some juice closer to love, closer to your freedom, closer to your connection with them and self, and that's really what we're all longing for, right, how about you?

Samantha Pruitt:

Well, for me, it's the tattoo right, so it's like every day and literally every moment it's a reminder for me that we are all just here to walk each other home. Hmm, so every moment and opportunity and experience I have with another human of complete strangers homeless man living in the trees by the church that I drive by on a regular basis and sometimes connect to and bring stuff to all the way up to my dearest, closest friends Like we're on this journey together. All of us are going in the same direction walking home, yeah, and so really be there with one another, like really be present and open to experiencing that together. And and a reminder to myself that I'm also never alone Never, even after this physical body is gone. I'm actually going to make a lot more friends.

Samantha Pruitt:

I'm just saying Now I'm not limited to this constraint of this body.

Polly Mertens:

And how many you can touch. In a day I'll be like whoa Now I'm in.

Samantha Pruitt:

How many millions of pieces floating in the atmosphere, what the hell. And then, when y'all get your homework assignments, I mean I'm going to be everywhere.

Polly Mertens:

They're not going to be ready for you over there, they're going to be like y'all okay, supernova, who invited her to the party?

Samantha Pruitt:

Supernova, that's awesome.

Polly Mertens:

Supernova has just popped out of her body. She's here, y'all, she's here.

Samantha Pruitt:

So good. Oh yeah, that's my last one thing.

Polly Mertens:

Well, thank you for listening to us today. We hope that this topic of you know a little bit around the grief, fatigue and the caregiving and the connecting with one another and honoring one another and wherever you are, and giving yourself permission to be whatever. If you're in the caregiving phase, honoring that, and if you're in the grief phase or a friend of yours is honoring that, it's all whole, complete and perfect, just the way it is.

Polly Mertens:

So yeah, and don't be afraid of death, of passing out of this physical body watch one nde story on youtube and it's like poof, your mind will be blown Like, yeah, there's that sounds like a freaking party over there. It sounds amazing.

Samantha Pruitt:

Watch one story of a person with a terminal illness, sharing their how they feel about it, and you'll be like got it, got it.

Polly Mertens:

Let's do this, this thing called life. That's what we're up to, all right. What do we want to remind them about their lives and their girl, how your life looks, it's not important, only how it feels.

Samantha Pruitt:

Yeah.

Polly Mertens:

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.

People on this episode

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Polly Mertens

Co-host
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Samantha Pruitt

Co-host