121: Don't Wait! Why Most People Think They Have More Time & Lose Out

“Don’t wait” sounds obvious until you realize how many of us are quietly living like our real life starts later. Today we pick up The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski and dive into the first invitation, using death awareness and Buddhist wisdom as a surprisingly energizing guide to living fully.

We talk about impermanence as a fact, not a philosophy, and why accepting constant change can feel disruptive at first but ultimately becomes liberating. One of the biggest distinctions we make is agency versus control: you have power over your actions and your attention, but you don’t get to freeze life in place. That push-and-pull between expectation and reality is where so much stress is born, and we share how shifting into wonder and curiosity can soften the fight.

We also bring it down to the real world: a friend’s chemotherapy experience, the difference between gratitude and resistance, and the regrets people carry when they postpone the conversations that matter most. Then we get practical with a tool we love, inspired by Jesse Itzler’s “life calendar” approach: your calendar reflects your true priorities, so if health, relationships, nature, creativity, or service matter, they need scheduled time, not just good intentions.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, over-busy, or like you’re waiting in an invisible holding pattern, press play. Then share this with a friend who needs the nudge, subscribe, and leave a review so more people find the reminder we all need: don’t wait.

Follow Coach Polly @getbusythriving and Coach Sam @thesamanthapruitt 

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/everydayawesomeproject

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/everydayawesomeproject

Linktree for ALL THE THINGS: https://linktr.ee/everydayawesomeproject

Website/About Us: https://everydayawesomeproject.com/about-us/

Transcript

Welcome And Series Setup

Samantha Pruitt 0:07

Hey superstars, welcome back. Polly here. Sam Pruitt in the house. Y'all. Yo, yo, yo.

Polly Mertens 0:14

What's up? You guys, today's a little bit of a uh sharing more on the thread of what we've been talking about this year. Oh, Sam's trying to show the book. So if you're watching this on our YouTube channel, uh The Five Invitations is the book that we're both studying, reading as a part of A Year to Live, a wonderful program that you're in, the Buddhist that you are. And today we're gonna dive into the first one. So we're gonna do this as a series. So stay tuned for all of those. And what's our first one? What's the first invitation?

Samantha Pruitt 0:43

Number one. I know. Number one, don't wait. So, real quick, what the five invitations is, is discovering what death can teach you about living fully. Okay. Um, one of the Dharma teachers in the course I'm taking is Frank Astasecchi. He is also the author of this book. I am in love with Frank. It should publicly be known that millions of people are in love with Frank. Um, he is a phenomenal

The Five Invitations And Frank

Samantha Pruitt 1:15

human being and forever was um part of and one of the founders of the Zen Hospice program in San Francisco. And he wrote this book um pretty early on in the game here about his own experience of what he was hearing and seeing and witnessing and being part of as he did this work with the dying. So it's an incredibly powerful book. It's not depressing. Okay, some people would be like, I can't read it, it has the word death in it. I can't gotta run the other way. No, it's not at all that. It's absolutely a call to live. Yeah, a thousand percent it is a call to live, and to just be honest about what is real in the humanity of living and dying. And it's incredibly inspiring, highly motivating, beautiful work, beautiful.

Polly Mertens 2:07

Yeah, yeah, it's gotten just so many praise. Like I I went through it so not quickly, but you know, it's it's uh not a light read, but it's way easier to read than the uh year to live for me anyway. So I just loved, you know, consuming it each night. And there were times where I was, you know, reminiscing, and times I was just, you know, it's so moving, like the things that it has you think about, right? You know, from I mean, and it's such an area of life and the world that we don't often spend a lot of time in. Like this guy's been over in this part of life that, you know, and he's got a lot of stuff to teach us and bring back, you know, it's like when people get really specialized in something and this specialized knowledge. And like you said, the subtitle of this book is Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. And this is like, hey, y'all, I've been over here learning this stuff. Like, like I y'all need to know this, you know, like this is this is what matters, right?

Samantha Pruitt 3:04

It's so beautiful. He does storytelling and he does have it, just how he does it is really eloquent, also. Um, I decided to do two things because I'm not in a hurry to absorb this information, right? I have a year to do be in this program, and I really want to, you know, be in it. Yeah, um, so I am reading it, yes. And then I'm also doing the audio book, which is in Frank's voice. That's also really lovely since he's one of my Dharma teachers. Like, so hanging out with Frank is also very nice. And how he reads his own book, yeah, is it's very well done. So either of those are available, of course. Or wait till the next class and take it. I don't know if Frank will be part of that next year, but he might be.

Polly Mertens 3:46

There was something lovely when I switched. I probably led I read half the book ready reading it and then listened to the other half in audio. And I'm really glad and I I would listen to the audio again and again. Um, it just there's something about it that it comes to life when he speaks it versus you know trying to interpret it through my own mind and just the words on the page. So anyway, enough on that. But but let's start with don't wait, because I love where you where you want to go with this and why this topic. Um, like, well, A, we're it's part of the series we're gonna do, but like what is don't wait? You have some thoughts on the like what that means, especially with your background in Buddhist studies and stuff.

Samantha Pruitt 4:26

Yeah, I mean, a core foundational principle of Buddhism is impermanence, that everything is impermanent. Um, we

Impermanence As A Life Practice

Samantha Pruitt 4:35

human beings, obviously, we are interconnected with nature, and we are of the nature to disappear, but also to change, to continuously change. Um, as every single thing around us, a hundred percent of everything around us is changing. I mean, people have this idea that things are like fixed and material things last last forever and all that. None of that is true.

Polly Mertens 5:00

I mean, you can just stray it the way it is, it's always been, it's always gonna be like you know. I mean, definitely there's people that you're like, okay, they're in a rut, they're not changing. Okay, so maybe there's some people that are on neutral.

Samantha Pruitt 5:12

Well, we know people can get emotionally stuck, but nonetheless, their body, yeah, their physiology, and in fact, even what they are experiencing moment to moment is forever and constantly changing. To me, that's an incredibly powerful gift when you really not only understand that, but when you bring that into your being, like you say, okay, I'm gonna live from that place of understanding that um my thoughts, my ideas, my pain and suffering, my joy, my physical body, my things, the people that I love, the outdoors that I love so much, it's forever changing. And it will give you a sense of, I mean, it kind of blows your mind. Yeah. And it can be disruptive for people a little bit to go there, but you need to go there because it's what is reality. And then all of a sudden you just feel like everything is so precious and beautiful and remarkable, and also it's liberating to know, oh, this suffering or pain is going to pass. These crazy ideas or stories I'm telling myself or whatever, it's gonna pass. It will all pass.

Polly Mertens 6:21

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think um, you know, in permanence, um, I get you like things and whatever, but like um like the people in our life, you know, you know, it's interesting you and I were noticing how, you know, you signed up for this program. You signed up in October. So like you could kind of say, you know, you're halfway through or, you know, halfway into like the study of it or the expression, you know, understanding it, and that and your brother has passed away since you signed up for that, right? And uh like just looking at like how many people we know that things are happening, you know, that impermanence in their own life around us. You know, I've got kitty cats are getting sick, you know, and you've got another friend that's diagnosed with cancer and blah, blah, blah, right? And um, it really puts it in front of you, right? Instead of like this off, you know, and I don't know if you want to tell the story about the friend that you're talking with recently who, you know, we get up to these lives that things are going, going, going, right. And we've got plenty of projects and all these things to do, whether it's, you know, you got plans for the next 20 summers of your life or whatever, or you just don't even look out in front because you're so busy with what you're doing right now. And then you get these wake-up calls called, you know, life interruptions, diseases or whatnot that remind us about the impermanence. And then the the context shifts. Like once you have that diagnosis, you know, I think the beauty you and I have is we don't have a diagnosis right now. So, but we are in the study of this and we can look at people who have, and then we can reflect it on our on our own selves. You know, like we put ourselves into this program, and then it's like in that context called you have one year to live, like what do you want to be doing? Like, what matters, right?

Samantha Pruitt 8:05

And it doesn't have to be a diagnosis. I mean, you can use something as simple as, um, well, I hurt my backbuster, but let's say today I was out doing my long run, okay, and let's say, and I'm working towards some very specific goals, right? Physical challenging goals for this year. And if I were to have sprained my ankle in the moment just called today, just doing my regular trail run, right? All of the things at that second, the minute, the second that happened, everything would have changed, right? So this is always happening. I'm using my example of like, oh, sprain an ankle, and all of a sudden I can't do the John Muir, maybe in or whatever the hell the thing is, right? All the time throughout the day, things are always changing, and we suffer because we try and stop things from changing. We try to hold on to as tight as we can. We have this idea, first of all, that we have control. Yes, we have agency over our lives, but we don't have control. Yeah, these are two very different things. Agency and control are not the same thing, people. Hello. And so we grasp and grasp and hold on to, but I want it to be this way, but it needs to be this way, but da da da, whatever the story is, right? And that's when the suffering comes. The mental and emotional suffering, right?

Polly Mertens 9:33

Yeah, it shows up in that gap between expectation and reality. Like that's what I'm discovering is like suffering is you expect something, you want something, you have attachment, as the Buddhists would say. You have attachment to an outcome. It was gonna happen like this. We were gonna go on this trip, this race I was gonna run, or whatever. I'm gonna get this.

Samantha Pruitt 9:52

My marriage was gonna be perfect, and I was gonna forget my children. We were gonna be perfect. You could literally think of a thousand things and one thing.

Polly Mertens 10:00

Yeah, and so that attachment to the outcome, the expectation, if you will, in our mind,

Agency Versus Control And Suffering

Polly Mertens 10:05

right? It's all a figment of our mind, because you're right. Like none, it's all just zeros and ones out there. It's all just you know, energy, whatever you want to call it, right? You're not there yet. But then the suffering is oh, that, you know, like the path to that, that outcome that we had in mind ain't happening. And so I when I want to introduce, so my word for the year is wonder. And I think this is really a great, you know, attachment to this is you know, in the world of impermanence, in the world of like you have no, let's say, control or whatever, staying in wonder and curiosity. Like, I notice it when like I'm counseling with clients and stuff, and they get themselves all worked up when you know something happens, you know, like bad news, a lawsuit, somebody's leaving, but whatever, whatever. And I'm just like, okay, like, yeah, just let's go. Okay, that's the like okay, you can have your moment or two days or whatever it takes you to like d-ding, you know, rebound emotionally and let's go, you know, like okay, it's it's a it's a speed bump, right? Instead of a roadblock or whatever it turns into. But we turn it into more, you know, part with the suffering and then part just the anguish, the anguish that we create. And I'm just like, all right, what are we gonna do? Like, so what? Now what?

Samantha Pruitt 11:21

You know? Yeah. Um, talking to this friend who's currently in the hospital right now receiving chemo for five days straight. Um, we were talking about the hospital experience. And there's other people in the treatment center that are resisting, not really wanting it, you know, angry about it, the diagnosis, the treatment, all the things, right? So they're being difficult and they're yelling, and they're screaming, they're just not being nice to the caretakers. Like all of this chaotic stuff is happening. And my friends over here are going literally like, I couldn't be more grateful, I couldn't be more in awe of these people, I couldn't be more receptive to the care I'm getting, like a complete opposite. So we were just discussing it. Yeah. And the people who are angry and upset and all the things, you know, they're in resistance to what is true, which is they have a disease and that they have decided to be on a treatment protocol that is very challenging. They, you know, the truth that they have a disease is the truth that they have a disease, you know. So fighting that and pretending that that's not real is not helpful. And then the fact that they made a choice to get the treatment, but yet are pissed off about it, is also incredibly unhelpful.

Polly Mertens 12:35

Like it's just an endless flow of not helping your not helping your energy state. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt 12:40

But this happens all the time with people in life. In we're talking about uh you were talking about a business environment where it's things change moment to moment in the workplace. Hello. First of all, have you seen something called the news in the economy? That's a whole other it's complicated. There's a lot of things going on in these spaces, right? There's a lot of complexity to it. And this idea that we think that we can have things go a certain way at all times and keep everything within the guardrails is a false thing. It's just not reality.

Polly Mertens 13:21

You know, um, you just remind me, I don't know why this kicked this off for me. So my two two of my other words for this year, um, like I have a little family of them, but wonder is the number one, is um flow and flourish. So those are two of my other ones. And when I think about what you just said, is like, you know, like life, river, whatever energy, like wants to flow. Like if you think of, you know, like um a sound going across the airwaves or whatever, it's when you introduce resistance that like you can't hear this tone or the sound, you know, or like you you muffle something or whatever. And it's like they're just introducing this resistance in their own body, right? In their life. And it's like, how can I be with the flow? Like, and then you flourish when you're with life, when you're with what's happening, when you're not resisting, not fighting your own. Like, okay, this is this is okay, what's so? So what? Okay, now what do we do?

Samantha Pruitt 14:12

I have to read this quote because as you were talking, I was like, this is from Frank's book. Of course it is. The Persian poet Galib wrote, For the raindrop, joy is in entering the river. Talk about beautiful and flow.

unknown 14:30

Wow.

Samantha Pruitt 14:31

The raindrop doesn't want to just drop on the sidewalk and then dissipate and be gone. It wants to be in the river.

Polly Mertens 14:36

Say it, you said it, and I I was somewhat present to it, but say it again because I want I want to take it in.

Samantha Pruitt 14:41

Yeah. And then I just put okay, ready? Persian poet Galib G-H-A-L-I-B. He wrote for the raindrop joy is in entering the river. Oh my god. That's what I would envision.

Polly Mertens 15:01

Those little raindrops out here.

Samantha Pruitt 15:03

Yeah, right. Well, we're all part of the river if we so choose. Okay, and talk about always forever changing and impermanence. You know, a body of water is a perfect example of that, and we are all just pieces within the body of water. But I think why we really want to talk about the number one invitation of don't wait is you'll be waiting around for shit. I don't know what is going on out there. Okay, people are sitting on their rear ends, whether they're literally sitting or they're psychologically, emotionally sitting, not living their lives. They are literally hanging out as if time is endless and that their life is coming soon to a theater near you. What is going on, Polly?

Polly Mertens 15:57

Well, and I think too, I want to just add to that. So there's the ones that are, you know, like I have family members that do the sitting and parking yourself in front of the boob tube, you know, the TV, and that's called a life, right? And that, you know, that's like the waiting. And then there's some that are, let's call it waiting, putting it off by having so much to do, other things to do.

Samantha Pruitt 16:18

Like other busy, busy, busy, busy.

Polly Mertens 16:20

Yeah, yeah. Or a misalignment, or, you know, either societal expectations, thinking, you know, looking good, you know, what the what what are other people doing, whatever they're doing, you know, that doesn't have them prioritizing what's most important and meaningful, right? Like living, because I think one of the things you had said before we went on air about your friend who has

Chemo Ward Lesson On Resistance

Polly Mertens 16:40

this diagnosis is, you know, he was very moved by a visit with his son recently. Whereas, like, you know, you get up to all these things and stuff. And then when the most meaningful people in your life, like your son, do something or share something, or you know, you have time with them in this context called like, I'm fighting for my life, like, whoa, like it has a totally new meaning. Like, I remember when my kitty cat was passing away, right? And I had all these wonderful years with her, right? And lots of time to hang out and whatever. And then towards the end, I was like, Oh my God, I need to take some videos. And so like you, like it, the lens helps you really see, like, like I know some people like I have some friends that don't leave the house because they want to like, you know, be with their pet and all that. I mean, I'm saying like at the end, sure, sure, sure, but like they really, you know, close themselves down. Like I I stopped doing vacations and stuff because I just want to be home. At a certain point, but just having the lens through which you see your everyday life are the things that you're making yourself busy with, or you're you know, and spending your time not doing, you know, just sort of like sitting around on the couch, like you said, not being in action towards what's meaningful.

Samantha Pruitt 17:50

Um what is real.

Polly Mertens 17:55

It's two different ways of doing it. So I guess one you had you had said a quote before we started about like the antithesis antidote to regret. What was that line, you know, because like one of the things that people often say is the biggest regrets when they die, right? And so I think this conversation for both of us is you know what you you don't want to get to the end and then have these regrets. Okay, so you now take a conscious look at what would you regret doing, saying, being being involved with expressing, creating, whatever. But pay attention to it. So as you're going forward in your life, those things are unfolding. You have no regret because you had the forethought you took advantage of this thing called life and got up to whatever it is, or you just could be small things, like not, you know, like I was out um kayaking last weekend with my friend Jill, and I'm like moved by this, but I was telling her because of this work that we're doing, I was like, Jill, I'm enjoying this so much more because I'm treating this like this is the last time we may kayak together. Yeah, right?

Samantha Pruitt 19:00

Yeah, because you don't know, and it's not like it I don't know if it will be or won't be, but we don't know. We don't know, we don't know. And if you at least have the awareness that it could be and that that conversation, that interaction, that shared nature space together, and just the power of that alone, yeah, is freaking remarkable. And if you don't have the awareness and you're too busy in the middle of that kayak, by the way, oh, as soon as I get done here, I have 50,000 things to do. I need to hurry up and get home, and I need to do all these things, and so-and-so is waiting on me, and this is happening, all this shit going on in your head, instead of like, damn, look at my incredible friend. Who am I to have this? What? And look at where I am. Remarkable. I am submerged in nature, literally part of my being, you know, like all of it is just like mind-blowing. I think a lot of people take drugs for this reason. Okay, they want to like open up their mind to a bigger, expanded way of seeing themselves and others in the world. But I mean, in this work, you don't have to be high. Like this is a regular ongoing thing that you can walk around on the daily, uh, have it in writing or whatever you need to do. Um, tattoo it on your arm if you need to, whatever you gotta do, people to like stay awake.

Polly Mertens 20:25

And the first, the first part of it is being present, you know, like be here now, wake up. So I think if you create that context of, you know, like in the background. So when I say like be here now, is like the background of your life is you're here in this moment as much as possible. Sure, you've got a plan, you've got to think about, and there's things for tomorrow or whatever. But when you're when you find, you know, because we go like if you look at um an an everyday or an everyday life, if there was a director, there would be scenes. It'd be like, okay, cut to scene in, you know, getting ready in the the morning, right? And like, oh, she's in the bathroom, whatever. And then cut to scene, checking email and cut to scene, you know, like these things, these little micro moments. And not that, you know, being with yourself is an important time to be present, but like, especially with, you know, and one of the things I was thinking is how much we create familiarity, especially in relationships, especially long-standing relationships.

Samantha Pruitt 21:21

And we oh, yeah, we do.

Polly Mertens 21:23

And with that familiarity, right, we lose the significance, the meaning of it, because we go, I've been with this person, I know this, you know, it's always the same or whatever, but it's for us to have new glasses.

Samantha Pruitt 21:37

We label them, yeah. They're never gonna change, they're always gonna be like that. Yeah, how ludicrous. How dare I'm not even the same person I was last night. I'm not even the same person I was this morning. I mean, I'm I'm saying it because it's really true. And it's at the cellular level, yeah.

Polly Mertens 21:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure.

Samantha Pruitt 21:58

You know, and for somebody. To say, oh, that that's how Sam is, that she's just going to be that way. What in the hell? Hell no.

Polly Mertens 22:06

Yeah. So don't wait. I think, you know, like we talked about the two things is one is waiting around, sitting on your ass for things to happen, for them to change, for some special date in the future, some special event of retirement, whatever to happen, or busying yourself, blocking your time, your own experience of life with who knows what, right? And is it meaningful? Is it

Don’t Wait To Say The Thing

Polly Mertens 22:30

is it where you want to be? Right. And if not, and maybe at some point we'll talk about that Jesse Itzler calendaring thing. I think that's really cool.

Samantha Pruitt 22:37

Yeah, we're about to get there, but I think we want to really say to people, or I do, like to me, this is a call to action because I feel like I did a post recently on getting back fit, getting fit again and fitness and all these things, right? Um, and that it's a verb. You gotta always be doing it, it's actually an action, right? But like there's a whole spectrum to all of these different things in our life that we work towards or we feel good about or we want or whatever the things are, right? And so to me, it's it allows a framework of possibility, right? So if I know things are always changing and I am of the nature to change, and all my circumstances are of the nature of change, I'm like game on, yeah, right? Like how important how incredibly empowering and important is that for us to recognize the possibility of that. It really opens you up to your life, what is possible for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and your circumstances.

Polly Mertens 23:47

Yeah, you know, if you if you take it on, like um, you know, what I love that famous line from um Einstein, you know, do we live in a you know, a loving or but I forget what he says, but it's like a something to be feared universe or a benevolent one? Like, is is the universe out for us or against us, right? And when we create this resistance and things shouldn't be happening or whatever, when you take it on, like you said, first is it's all possibility, and number two, it's all happening for me. Like good things are, you know, the the the sense is this there is good unfolding here, like in the arc of things. Sure, there can be dips or whatever, but it's to approach it in that context of life is happening for me, right?

Samantha Pruitt 24:32

But it's actually more exhausting to stay stuck, to resist against what is naturally occurring, change in permanence, to resist against it is freaking exhausting. And the people who are exhausted and they can't figure out why they're exhausted, because you all be resisting like hell to hold on to something.

Polly Mertens 24:52

Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt 24:53

Right.

Polly Mertens 24:53

And there's definitely when you look at you know the Eastern philosophies and they talk about the qi and the energy of the body and the chakras and things like that, like we have tremendous power and energy capable in our body. And I think what you're just pointing to is like when we block it, when we energetically block life, block what's happening, block, you know, this shouldn't be block our own potential, right? Mindset, whatever, we get these diseases. You know, the energy systems of the body get clogged up. You know, it's like plumbing that's clogged up inside of us, which creates disease, right? And the flow isn't happening.

Samantha Pruitt 25:28

So I want to just say one more thing about this. Don't wait before you go into more like operational, like how do we uh get on task here? Don't wait to talk to people. You were in this communication course. We have a couple episodes that speak to this brilliantly, so people can go back and listen to those, but let's just double-click for a hot second on that. Okay. Do not freaking wait to have the hard conversations. And those can be, I haven't talked to you forever, you know, we got disconnected and I just want to reach out. You mean something to me, you know, just like expressing with people that we've lost contact with, of course. Yeah, that's incredible. Like I was telling you, the friend of mine who has cancer. I mean, I haven't really talked to this person in uh 25 years or something, yeah, 30 years. I mean, we've had superficial connection, but not like a conversation like we had today, for example. Um, and that's the case for so many of us, right? We lose touch with. I have several friends that I was with when they passed in part of their journey that had so many regrets around conversations they never had. One was a mother and son, and she had not ever reunited with her son. I mean, literally broke her physically, mentally, emotionally towards the end of her life, at the end of her life, because of this unresolved, unsaid things, right? And unfortunately, now her son will never have that conversation either. He'll do his own healing around that, I hope. But those are extreme examples of this is not uncommon that people don't have these conversations. Or even now, I've got lots of people in my life I talk to all the time and I love and I see and whatever, but maybe I'm not saying some things I'm actually wanting to say.

unknown 27:16

Yes.

Samantha Pruitt 27:17

You know, it's not like I'm they're there, but maybe I haven't said what they do mean to me, or things about our shared past, or just ideas I want them to know about me or how I see the world or how I see them and appreciate them. It can be anything, but that is so incredibly beautiful. And while I've been in this course, I've been like, and of course, with you talking about communication all the time, I'm just communicating with all kinds of people in a different way. I was already communicating, but like this is a much deeper level of communication that I've opened myself up to. And it feels remarkable. It really does.

Polly Mertens 27:53

I feel like you and I are not that we weren't sort of deep before, but like we're just hanging out in a in a place in our bodies of you know, more connected to ourselves than ever before and wanting to connect in and tap in with the people in our life from that place. And like this, you know, like the superficial, like like the social media just like blah blah blah conversation out there. It's like oftentimes when I'm talking with people, like we go deep pretty quickly, you know, and and it's and I think people are hungry for it, right? And it's just a um, you know, one of the things I this, I don't know why this reminded me of this, but um I was watching this movie you had to share with me. There's these little 30-minute movies on Netflix or something about like kind of life in the ICU when people are passing, you know, and those decisions they have to make and you know, like what it's like and whatnot. And um seeing how many people have at their bedside um at those meaningful times, you know, when when they're they could be dying, you know, or there's a there's a you know, some whatever, it really says a lot about that person. It's like what was the impact they were having? Like who were they connecting with so much that somebody flew across this country, drove wherever to like carve out time and be with them, you know, and nobody likes really going to hospitals, you know. I uh but like they are connected, like that shows you the ties that they have, you know. And when we just live at a superficial level or we isolate and we just watch TV all the time and we have no connections with people, like those moments when you're you know needing people most in connection, there might it might be empty rooms, you know.

Samantha Pruitt 29:40

And don't wait to say things to that person at their funeral. Yeah, okay, yeah, that happens a lot too. How insane is that? You think I'm there hanging out in the room listening to you? I've already moved on. I got another job to do. What the hell? Yeah, I mean, enjoy the party, celebrating me. I'm cool with that. But like, you know, tell me while I'm alive.

unknown 30:01

Right.

Samantha Pruitt 30:01

Write me the letter while I'm alive, make me understand who I am to you now. There was one guy, I don't know where I saw this, but I thought this is freaking cool. Um, he basically gave himself a project. He was aging and yeah, probably in his 80s or something like that. He didn't have a diagnosis, nothing like that.

Music As A Path To Connection

Samantha Pruitt 30:20

But he just decided I'm gonna spend this next year and I'm gonna make a list of all the people that are important to me. And he made this huge list, okay, like people that have affected his life and and that he wanted to connect with. Okay. So he has this big old list of people, and yours can be one or it can be a hundred, I don't care. And then he reached out to each of these people and he asked them a series of questions. So we basically did interviews of these people, and then he made for himself like a little audio, you know, kind of like a journal, if you will, of this experience.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Wow.

Samantha Pruitt 30:58

And some of the the number one question was, um, like, how did I how did we meet? Okay, because a lot of times we forget. That was cool. And then I think the number two or number three was, um, I want to tell you the impact you had on my life. And so then for each of those people, he would share with them, you know, this thing happened, or we experienced this, or whatever. And this really brought meaning to my life. Like you contributed to my life in in whatever the way it was. But there was a series of questions that he wanted to ask them, and I just thought, oh my God, this is remarkable.

Polly Mertens 31:34

Wow.

Samantha Pruitt 31:34

That's probably what I'm gonna be doing next year after this year.

Polly Mertens 31:38

That is awesome.

Samantha Pruitt 31:39

That's true. Because I was like, damn, hell yeah. I want to sit down and have all those conversations. I want to interview my friends and family. Yeah, what?

unknown 31:50

Wow.

Polly Mertens 31:51

It reminds me of your um, you're making your playlist, you know, like like you're really in tune with the sounds and stuff like that. And like this is like another level, like you're really in tune with the relationships that matter, you know, like what what what are the moments, right? What are the the moments in our life? So good, so good.

Samantha Pruitt 32:08

I do ask everybody because I am slightly obsessed with this life playlist um project that I started. I have to started creating one for my brother while he was still with us, and then um, of course, had it for his celebration of life. But in the same time, I was creating my own because I'm part of this class. This is not homework. I just made this for myself. This is your project, yeah. I love music and it speaks to me and it really um reflects on me, allows me to reflect on my life. And um, there's so much emotion and stuff there. It's so great for processing emotions, really, really good. And so now I ask people all the time, what are you listening to right now? What's some of your favorite songs? Because I feel it's a way for me to get to know them. So, example of the friend I reconnected with who's in the hospital getting chemo, and I was like, What are you listening to? Because he was a drummer when I knew him, he was in a band. Okay, music is a part of this human's soul, yeah. So I wanted to know, what are you listening to now? So it's whatever the questions are that allow you, me, and the other to be feeling more connected. Oh, I'm I'm getting to know you better, I'm understanding you more now because I know what kind of music you're into. It can be really simple things.

Polly Mertens 33:22

That's cool. That's cool. And I love just, you know, it's like people find their ways to, you know, I love going to potlucks because I get to try everybody else's food, you know, and it's a little bit like I'm sampling people's music because there's always cool stuff that shows up at these potlucks. I'm like, what the hell is that? You know, right?

Samantha Pruitt 33:36

Totally, totally. So true, so true. All right, let's give them some how-tos. You ready?

Polly Mertens 33:42

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, one of the things I want to introduce, um, if you don't know who Jesse for a minute earlier.

Samantha Pruitt 33:54

Coach Polly is currently frozen, can't be for a second. And she's back. Sorry about that. All right.

Polly Mertens 35:27

I have to start that over again.

Samantha Pruitt 35:30

I apologize. Just remember you're gonna have to do a little edit on this one.

Polly Mertens 35:33

Yeah, yeah. And then my camera's gonna be a little messy because it's not gonna match. Okay. So I was let's see.

Samantha Pruitt 35:44

Jesse Etzler. So you're just introducing him. Is it recording? Yeah, still recording.

Polly Mertens 35:50

Okay. So what I want to talk about is about Jesse Itzler. And if

Calendar Your Real Priorities

Polly Mertens 35:55

you don't know who he is, he's the husband of Sarah Blakely. And if you don't know who she is, she was the one who invented Spanx, which is like undergarments or whatever. Anyway, billionaire, right? And they're just a cute couple, so I enjoy them. He created, I can't remember how long it's been ago, maybe five years or something, this giant calendar, right? So I don't know when he got his mind around, like he learned something about someone's book, and it's like when you see your life in like these like spreadsheets, you can see how many weeks, like where you are in your life, if you have 80 years or something like that. And so he created these giant calendars to help people know, like, okay, you're at 50, 40, 60, wherever you are in your calendar to the week. Like, okay, this week, whatever. How many weeks would you have in a let's say normal life type thing? And then it's really one of his key things is like your calendar reflects your real priorities. Right. It's not like, oh, I want to do this thing, or you know, whatever. We talk about those people that have a lot of busyness and a lot of things that they're doing that maybe aren't meaningful or important, right? So it's really about like scheduling what matters. Like that's his key point on this. And I think it's important to introduce in this conversation of don't wait is like, I mean, you and I have been pounding on this message since we probably started the podcast. Like, that's just like, you know, I was thinking like this don't wait. I'm like, you know, this is kind of like Gandhi. Like, I think it's the story of our life, right? Like, our life is our message. It's like, yep, we haven't really sat around, you know, putting off too much, you know, like we get about it. So his point is schedule it, right? So your calendar reflects your priorities. So, like what matters, you have to intentionally put it on your calendar. So this might be one activity is like, A, you know, sometimes you can look at the end of your life and look backwards. Like one of the questions that I've heard asked is like, um, you know, if you could have anything at the end of your life and you look back and say, wow, that that occurred, right? Whether if you want to get married, you want to have kids, you want to create a foundation, you want to, you know, save the whales, whatever you want to get up to. Yeah, thinking about it then and going, okay, what's the gap, right? Okay, well, then work backwards. Like, what would you have to be doing? Or if you like I have a bucket list, right? You know, I know the, you know, approximately how many summers I have left, how many trips, you know, can fit in a year type thing. Okay, what's on my bucket list, right? You know, and this is where, you know, when people ask me to do things or go places, I go, um, yeah, I kind of have my bucket list for the next thing, you know. Like, is that more of a priority than the things that I've already said are a priority, right? Because like you've got X amount of time. So are you calendaring? Do you know what's present and what's meaningful to you? And it may not be those.

Samantha Pruitt 38:43

She froze again. You froze again.

Polly Mertens 38:46

Sorry, lady. I don't know what's happening. I'm not, nothing's happening over here. Like it might does say my internet's on table, but it does look like it's okay.

Samantha Pruitt 38:53

Do you want to turn the video off?

Polly Mertens 38:55

No, because I need we need a video for the end of it. So let's just do I'll talk a little bit and then turn it over to you. Okay. I was saying so. It's just about calendaring everything. It's like get it in your calendar if it's meaningful, um, and knowing what is meaningful to you, right? It could be the little things like more dates with your spouse, it could be more friend events, whatever it is, or charities, donating, volunteering, right? So calendaring all that.

Samantha Pruitt 39:22

We kind of spoke to two different things here. One is the people that might, their life might look like they're parked. You know, my life uh coming to a theater near you soon, kind of thing, right? Like and they're distracting themselves with whatever they're in a place that is frozen, if you will. And then you have the busy busy busies. Both of these people could do this exercise, by the way. What in the hell do I even value? And what are the things? So you're talking about like get these things on the calendar, recognize the impermanence of your life, and the do not wait is you have so many summers, so many years, so many of this left. But a lot of people will be like, I just don't even know where to start because I don't know. Which, first of all, yeah, you do. Okay. Yeah, you do. But people say that all the time, right? Um, so get first clear what are the things. Like I value these things, and therefore I that's how I should be spending my time. And then I have these lists of things I'd like my life to, you know, upon my deathbed or whatever, at whatever junction, I want to be able to identify that I did it, I did do these things. I this was my life. You know, my life story was like this, without a lot of regrets and missing holes, parts and pieces, right? Spend some time making these lists, people talking to someone if you need to to help them extract it out of you. Sometimes that actually you gotta have that stuff coached out of you, believe it or not. We get it, totally get it. There were parts of my life where that was definitely the case. I couldn't have answered these questions. I was too busy surviving. I don't know what the hell's going on. What? Right? So that might be you, the listener. And so there are people that can draw this out of you, coach this out of you. And then once you have that written down in that clarity, then you bring the calendars out and you have your life

Fear, Excuses, And Limited Options

Samantha Pruitt 41:20

on the calendar. This is how I'll be spending my time. These are the places I'll be going, these will be who I'm hanging out with. By the way, this is how I'll be spending my money. So, really, how will you be putting your resources into building this life? People will say to me all the time, Well, yeah, of course I value health and fitness. And they're literally doing investing zero. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure you're not. I don't see it. Right. Not one, not one day is there exercise happening. Um, what you're putting in your mouth, right? So it's like, come on now, come on now. But if that is true and what you want your life to reflect, then let's help you by getting that onto the calendar and making those things happen, right? Structuring your days and your life accordingly.

Polly Mertens 42:12

And I think the one thing I want to speak to here, because I can already hear in the back of people's minds the monkey mind going off, like, well, that's nice for you, and I don't have this, and I can't win the, you know, like the excuse itis has just shown up in a lot of listeners', you know, minds and they're listening of themselves and potential and possibility, and well, you know, like look at my life, you know. So just notice that it's there and it's just some thinking that's going on, right? Because it's largely driven by fear and whatever's kept you in the mode that you're in currently, it wants to keep you in that mode, right? Like your mind doesn't like to, doesn't like change, right? So if you're introducing ideas and possibilities and like, what about this? And we could do this. The mind's like, hold up, wait a minute. I'm I'm that takes more energy to have to think about all that stuff, and like all those unknowns, you know, start to show up of. And then the other one is um like the putting off, like the putting things off. I think people, you know, it's it's one disease states are really good ways of like you know, bringing the like importance of things, right? Yeah, but they're sharp. We're so good at sh, you know, shifting to how much time we have. And when I started looking at like how many possible summers I had left, I was like, oh my god, you know, like I've already had more summers than I'm gonna have. Like, wait a minute here, you know, and I love summertime, you know, not that you know, wintertime, whatever your choice is or whatever, but like days, weeks, vac number of, you know, I don't know how many vacations you take or how many things you like to do, whether it's volunteering or date nights or whatever is important to you. It's like, how many of those do you have left? Right. And so really get clear on like, oh, okay, this this this probably can't wait.

Samantha Pruitt 44:01

It makes it easier to say no to a lot of things because you're like, well, I have, you know, whatever, 20 summers. Um, yeah, no, I'm not going to Anthelma's, you know, high school reunion, whatever the things are. That that's a no. Next done.

unknown 44:17

Okay.

Samantha Pruitt 44:18

Um, I'm also I'm working with a couple young people right now, uh, young male, 18, 19, age group, and about what do I want to do with my life kind of thing, you know, what's the path for me? Struggling, trying to figure some things out. And the conversations are really interesting. And really, what I keep hearing from them is that they feel like their options are limited, right? They feel like there's only a few things that could be possible for them. And I'm just like, nay, if I could be 18 or 19 again, what the right? This is unacceptable that we, either society or their family or whatever, their friend group, whatever they're they've been hanging out, wherever they've been hanging out, has somehow imparted upon said young mind that opportunities are limited. And then, of course, they latched onto those and now they're holding on to those for dear life, right? Like one's just absolutely sure there's one, only one job he can do, and he's gonna be doing that job. And that is, and I'm like, what in the hell? You don't even know what the options are yet. It's like you haven't even looked at the menu. You haven't even looked at the menu. You're going to a five-star restaurant called Your Life with a 10-page menu. You haven't looked at it, but you're pretty sure you should eat the Caesar salad. Okay, because I gotta get that. That's a known entity. I'm gonna eat the Caesar.

Polly Mertens 45:38

Yeah, or just start at the end of the day. I'm just gonna have bread. I just came into it. I'm just gonna have the bread, you know, just because bread and water.

Samantha Pruitt 45:45

I'm gonna have bread and water. Yeah. I'm like, oh hell no, you're gonna try half this menu before we even sit down and discuss.

Polly Mertens 45:52

Oh, okay.

Samantha Pruitt 45:53

You know, like no, but anyway, people do these kind of things all the time, don't they? You know, yeah. So inherited belief systems, yeah.

Polly Mertens 46:01

So it's looking at what's important to you, right? Investing a little bit of time and getting out of the way whatever's in the way, whether it's a a fear or a doubt or a disbelief or other people, you know. I can't tell you how many people, and I get you can be in a relationship with people, right? And that relationship matters a lot. And I'm not saying go against like your vows or something like that, but people put other people in their relationship as a roadblock for them, you know, like, oh, they won't travel with me, or oh, they they won't be okay with it. I'm like, hold up, this is your partner. Like you guys are on the same team. You want each other's lives to be extraordinary. Or if not, then like have that conversation first, whatever. But like, oh, I can't because of X person, like, no, okay, all right. And then there's there are some definite, I get it, there's some limitations. You and I are not like ignoring, like, you may have financial limitations, you may have some uh logistical limitation, like, but guess what? You're also resourceful. We're also damn resourceful when we want to be, right? And I think you know, looking at, well, how could it? You know, like, oh, I wonder if that could happen. What what you know, just opening up to that wonder and that possibility instead of nope, nope, nope, nope, can't do it. So yeah. Just keep don't wait. Yes, yeah. So if we're not waiting, I don't, you know, mean like negatives, like, don't wait. Okay, so then it's like, get up to it. Like, get up to it, get out there, get into it, get over it, get get going, get it.

Samantha Pruitt 47:37

I had this total visual when I said that of being in a waiting room. Have you ever been in a waiting room when you're like waiting to go to the doctor or you're waiting for someone to come out of surgery, or whatever? There's some kind of waiting room element to it, and you're sitting there and it's

The Waiting Room Metaphor

Samantha Pruitt 47:55

quiet and it's uncomfortable and it's awkward, and it's all of the weird things, you know? Yeah, and nothing's happening. You don't have any answers about what's gonna happen next, sort of thing, you know? Yeah, it's so weird. And if you think about it, would you spend much of your life in a waiting room? Would you willingly say I should sit in this waiting room for about 10 years and then get busy doing the things? No, you wouldn't do that. No, it's totally, totally ludicrous, right?

Polly Mertens 48:29

No, it's like you know, I remember when restaurants you have to used to have to like put your name in and then wait in the like in the wherever their little hangout, whatever. And then they came up with those little devices that are like, go ahead and roam, we'll call you or text you or something now. It's like, all right, see you, I'll be back, right? Like, cool, I'll come back for that. All right, you know, it's like your partner, it's like, yeah, they're there. If they don't want to take that trip with you, it's like, okay, well, I'm just gonna go for a few days and I'll I'll be back. Like, okay, we got it.

Samantha Pruitt 48:53

Yeah. So I'll be back healthier and happier. Peace.

unknown 48:56

Yeah.

Polly Mertens 48:58

All right. I think we I think we've set our piece. Yeah. So what's your one thing? What's your leave them with one thing? What's what do you want them to?

Samantha Pruitt 49:08

To me, first of all, let's just start with the truth that we are all of the nature of change or impermanence. Everything around us, this body, this brain, this life, everything that I come in contact with is fleeting. It's changing, it's fleeting. And by

One Thing Takeaways And Closing

Samantha Pruitt 49:30

no means should I not live in that place of reality with that, right? Because I think that is what leads to the slippery slope of staying stuck, not doing, making excuses, etc. etc., you know, not getting busy. So just spend time pondering that. Maybe write yourself a love letter about it or a journal or have a conversation with somebody that you love or you trust about it and see what kind of comes up with you. I think we should start with that for many, many people.

Polly Mertens 50:03

I think my one thing, we haven't said it, but it occurred to me is like looking at your day or your week or whatever's on your calendar and just being like, am I doing what matters? Like, like, does this really matter right now or in the big scheme of things? Like, if I didn't do this, like would it really matter? You know, and you just start to hone in. Like, it's sort of like um, I think about like when people go through the closet reinvigorating your closet, right? It's like, get rid of whatever you don't need for the season or for like what's not you anymore, right? Like pare it down, like paring down your life to the core pieces, the core, you know, like I love decluttering and stuff. It's like this no longer applies, no longer matters. And the same thing is for the activities and the people that you're spending time with or what you're investing your life into. Like, look at it from a like if I was clearing out the closet, how much of this am I not using anymore? Or I need to not, you know, not stop wearing that old shanky thing, you know, like upgrade. So yeah. All right. Well, this has been fun. I can't wait for our future one. So, you guys, I we highly recommend again the five invitations is what this is based on. Check it out. Uh, audiobook is fantastic, can't recommend it enough. So, what do we want to leave them with? Uh, as we always do.

Samantha Pruitt 51:25

Check out Frank. Say hi to Frank for me. Yeah, yeah. How your life feels. Oh gosh, someone just said this back to me the other day, and it was so lovely. They're like a really wise person said this to me, and then they spit it back out at me. I was like, oh my god, you're so sweet right now. Look at you trying to break my heart. How your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Polly Mertens 51:47

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.

Samantha Pruitt 51:50

See you next time.