136 : Have You Stopped Dreaming? Stop Starving Your Dreams & Learn to Feed 'Em.

You can have a good life on paper and still feel like your future went quiet. When Polly Mertens and Samantha Pruitt look around, they keep seeing the same pattern: people aren’t “hopeless,” they’re afraid to hope, and that fear slowly starves the ability to dream. We get honest about what that looks like in work teams, family cultures, and our own inner narratives, especially when we’ve been burned enough times to treat hope like a threat.

We unpack the real blockers that shut dreams down: survival mode, burnout, financial stress, grief, health scares, and the constant pressure to just get through the day. We connect it to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and talk about how a nervous system in threat mode makes imagination and long-range vision feel impossible. Then we go straight into the human fears under the surface: fear of failure, fear of success, and the deep need for love and belonging that can keep us trapped in the comfort bubble.

From there, we shift into what to do next. We introduce dream incubation, a simple, grounded way to create “optimal conditions” for a dream to grow: set a clear intention, write it down, say it out loud, visualize it with sensory detail, and then back it up with a plan and rehearsal. We also make the case for community as a practical tool for personal growth: spend time with dreamers and dream chasers, because possibility is contagious.

If you’ve been in a dream desert, this is your permission slip to start small and start now. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs their spark back, and leave a review with the dream you’re ready to feed next.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Afraid To Dream Theme

Polly Mertens 0:28

Hey superstars, welcome back. Polly here.

Samantha Pruitts 0:30

And Sam Pruitt. What's up, beautiful humans?

Polly Mertens 0:34

Right, people. This is the Dreams episode, Afraid to Dream, right? You're not hopeless, you're afraid to hope. What even is that? That was something that we discovered as we were like, we gotta do this. Well, you're the one that was like, okay, I got the topic. And I was like, let me hear it. And this is a good one. We weren't even really planning to go on this, but like there's some things that you've been bumping into, and you're like, hold up, people, we need to talk about this, right? We weren't planning on doing this at all. Um, you know what? We do that a lot, don't we? Yeah, we live in the real world, which is fun. Okay, we're not professional podcasters for a living, like we live in the real world, we have very complex, full, robust lives that are full of all kinds of humans because we are in the business of humans. Yeah, that's what we do. So we always have something come up, multiple things in the course of a week, generally, where there'll be a theme and a common thread in our conversations and our experiences, etc. So this week, particularly, I was like, man, I'm bumping into a lot of people that are no longer dreaming or simply not capable of dreaming about their lives. And I want to freaking talk about that because that's not gonna work.

Samantha Pruitts 1:53

That's not gonna work.

Polly Mertens 1:54

I don't want that for them, but also that's not what we need in the world. They deserve more, the universe needs more. So let's unpack it for people and see if we can help someone else maybe unravel that if they're stuck in that place.

Samantha Pruitts 2:06

Yeah, and I think you know, what we'll cover today is like, you know, what are we talking about, right? And I think if you're listening to this and you're like, what do you even mean? Like, I have plenty of dreams, and it's like, well, and and you know, when you were sharing with me the stories, I was like, Yeah, some people don't, right? So if you have dreams, you got more than you can handle, and you're going after them, great. Maybe you know somebody who's not, right? Like you and I are sitting here going, Yeah, I'm working on my dreams, or I've got some purpose and things that I'm pursuing. And some people are super clear, like mission fucking driven, like like you know, millions of lives and stuff like that. Okay, well, and and in practical level, it's like, yeah, dreams for this year, or you know, like even little things like you're working with someone that you know wants to lose some weight, all right. Like that's a that's a part of a dream, right? And then you can have some big ones like going back to school or starting a family or moving cross-country or, you know, whatever it is, right? So touching upon that and seeing what gets in the way. That's what we'll cover somewhat, is like what's gotten in the way or what could get in the way and how to get your way out of it, right? Because what really I think our intention with this conversation is if you find yourself with, you know, not a lot of dreams, you know, inspiring you and and pulling you forward, then you know, something to look at, right? And we're not saying it's you can you can have it the way that you want it, but if it's not feeling good, that's what we're here to talk about.

Polly Mertens 3:26

Yeah. And let's just preempt the combo with our own personal perspective and stories. I'll start and then you go. So when I think of dreams or dreaming about my life, yes, it is true at this point in time. I dream all the time and I have no shortage

Our Personal History With Dreaming

Polly Mertens 3:46

of ideas about what I'd like to be doing in the future, what I'm interested in pursuing, how I'd like to develop myself, experience the world, et cetera. But that was definitely not always the case. I mean, some people will kind of look back on how they know me in the last whatever 10, 15, 20 years as an entrepreneur and as a coach and as somebody out doing all these great athletic feats, et cetera. But there was a Sam Pruitt before that, the Samantha Pruitt before that, right? And from an upbringing perspective and a family culture perspective, and even a societal, influential uh experience for me, that I wasn't necessarily a dreamer. But in hindsight, if I look at it, I came from dreamers. My parents immigrated to America. They dreamed of a future, they created a life for me and my brother and sister and our family unit, and they changed the whole game, right? Because they were dreamers and they did consistently pursue growth and opportunity, et cetera, as many, many immigrant people do, you know, and entrepreneurship too. They were big on that kind of thing. So I was I was raised, thankfully, with great gratitude in that kind of family unit culture. But I struggled with it personally, definitely as a young person, not understanding any of it, because it is hard to be a dreamer. You do fail a lot, it's really messy. Like shit is going down every 10 minutes, pretty much, if you are living by that sort of directive or internal intrinsic motivation, you know, knob. And then young adult teen, etc., there was definitely a part of time I sort of bailed on all that because it just I was just looking for security and comfort and consistency and all of the things that I thought were more important than pursuing dreams and ideas and aspirations. So I spent a big bubble of time in that, but I very quickly got miserable and the suffering compounded itself really rapidly when I was living that kind of way versus the person that I am today. So then I had to break out of that, right? And start dreaming again. And we'll get into why people don't dream or you know, what stops people from dreaming. But that's kind of my own journey. And once I really got back in touch with why I am who I am and what I want to do in the world, and just started basically trying stuff, being brave enough again to try and have ambitions and have dreams and have hopes. Once I got back in touch with that version of me, that's where joy lives for me. That's where adventure lives for me. That's where sure, still messy failure, chaos can live. Hell yeah. But now I find it quite entertaining and fun. Rather than just that other way of being, which is um numb to what's possible for me. That's kind of how I perceive it is my potential lives in the dreaming.

Samantha Pruitts 6:59

You know, when I was hearing you share all that, something that was present. So I've been, I was having a conversation this morning with um someone about the like awe and wonder. He's in a program that's like introducing awe and wonder, and there's some research out there about awe and the benefits of it. And, you know, some of it's like just going out in nature and being awed by that or whatever. And what I was hearing as you were saying is like there was like this period or this framing, this period of your life where like awe and wonder wasn't available or accessible because it was survival. It was like get you know, get my basic needs met or something. And then you've, you know, built your way out of that and now have, you know, a bigger perspective. And as you do that, you've almost gone back into a childlike, you know, I heard the word adventure come out, you know, and I would throw in there maybe a curious and curiosity. And like, you know, one of the things I love is like I I think in this research that this guy was sharing with me about the awe study, it was like they're having 70 plus year old people, they say that the awe and wonder is like peak, you know, some people like in their fifty, I think it was like 40 to 70, and then they saw a decline after 70. So we said, after 70, why were people like no longer dreaming and happy about the future and stuff like that? Yeah, of course, there's like the eminent question mark, and your friends are passing away or whatever. But it was like, but you still could have it like present in your life. And so they started these awe walks where it was like go out and just bring childlike, like your childlike self to the world. And what I was hearing, what you're sharing, is like your your childlike curiosity, explore, let me see what I can do, you know, like what's capable, what's possible, instead of just sort of hankering down or inhibiting, you know, your dreams and and your fascination of life at the same time.

Polly Mertens 8:45

So yeah, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of empowerment in that way of living versus the opposite, right? Where you're disempowered. Share your ideas about dreaming or how you dream or think about dreaming for your own life and maybe a little bit of history.

Samantha Pruitts 9:00

Well, you know me as a structured person, so I get probably like one story I have is well, you know, I sometimes I so I'm a I would say like I have this pipeline to my source or my highest self or something like that. And I just call it I get downloads, right? And so I'll get downloads. I can remember when I was in college, I had a download that was like, and I was living in California. I was like, oh, you need to go to Santa Fe after graduate school. And I was like, huh, where's the So I did it, you know, like I got in my car and threw my bike and like drove to Santa Fe and I like the adventure of it, but I didn't Santa Fe was like, okay, turn around, come back. You know, I was like, I don't know why I did that. Check, you know, and then I have those downloads about places on the planet to visit and things, and I remember another one was I was living in the San Francisco Bay Area, and some of the what helped me cause me dream, and I think this is true in life, is we get so clear on what we don't want for ourselves, like whether it's a relationship or the circumstance or the environment, you know, just like the the day in, day out, eight, eight to five, going to a job that you hate kind of energy that can cause you to dream. Like it gets you clear, right? The Abraham Hicks would say the contrast makes you a creator because then you create your dream, if you will. And so I created a dream of leaving the Bay Area and I didn't know exactly where or what, but I was like, it can't look like this any longer. I'm not gonna, you know, this ain't gonna be the the ticket for the next 40 years. So then I dreamed and I found a idea and I moved to San Luis Obispo and, you know, and all fast forward and stuff. So, but I would say, and we'll talk about this a little bit later, is I do know some areas of my life that I I shut it down still, you know, and we'll talk about like how so one of my little nemesis that I'm putting out in front of me, I'm more aware that it's a pattern way of being is around doubt. And I think when the uh doubt gremlin creeps in, you know, a dream can like you're starting to like feed and water a dream, and then you just like starve it, you know. So yeah. So I've had like sometimes I dream big and I allow it, and then some things, you know, with a repetition of like, oh, that didn't work out, oh that didn't work out, that didn't work out, you know. That's where you get that resilience, you know. It's like get back up and ride that dream horse again, you know.

Polly Mertens 11:20

So if you have the resilience to do that, let's dig right into why people don't or sometimes can't dream. One of them is what you kind of talked about, and I talked about briefly too, is this survive survival mode of operating, right? There is, and we want to give great respect and acknowledgement to times in your life or people

Why Survival Mode Blocks Hope

Polly Mertens 11:40

who might be listening right now in their life where the shit is going down. Okay, they're in survival mode for whatever reason, you know, relationship, finances, job, security, food, housing, etc., health crisis, you know, there's so many things that can put us into that state. Um, and if you're in that state, it is nearby impossible to dream. Okay, because your body and your nervous system and your brain is basically saying none of those things are a priority right now. Your priority is to stay alive. The basic human instinct is to stay alive, right? How will I survive this next moment to moment, day to day? So we want to give respect that there is a time and a place that that dreams, it's not that they'll never come again or that they're not there, they are just not at the surface. It's very difficult to tap into them. Wouldn't you agree?

Samantha Pruitts 12:37

Yeah, you know, I was doing a little background on this, and I was like, this reminds me of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? And so if you think about Maslow's, if you haven't studied him, it's basically like the shape of a triangle, and the base of it is like you don't get to the higher steps or the highest part of the triangle, which is like self-actualization and inspiration, godliness, and you know, like enlightenment or whatever. If you're you you have to have the foundation first, and the foundation is like safety, shelter, security, some would say connection, you know, type of thing. And then you can move up and then and then you can get to higher and higher rungs. So when you're saying that, I was like, if if your basic needs, safety, food, shelter, security, depending on what level you describe that as, like dreaming is a luxury, you know, and you're just getting basic needs met, right? And so some of this that I found in studying this is like when you're overwhelmed, financially stressed, caregiving, grieving, burned out, or just chronically exhausted, the nervous system is running in threat mode. And it says that the brain, when a brain in threat mode cannot access what's called the default mode network. And the default mode network is where we access dreams and you know that gets turned on, if you will. So we all have that ability, but it's like it like the brain, the body, brain survival mode is like, hey, gotta put calories over into, you know, getting food and shelter and stuff like that. Don't have time to put calories into dreaming. So it's always there, you know, that capability, but we have to get that floor in, we have to get that foundation in before we can access. And, you know, one of my favorite quotes, and we talk about, you know, when we think of our basic needs, sometimes those basic needs, even when we're winning in the thing called life, you know, you've got a house and whatever, you can have a detour. Like you had a, you know, an injury last year, right? And so one of my favorite lines is like, a man who has man or woman who has their health has unlimited dreams, has a thousand dreams, and a man or woman who doesn't have their health, they have but one. And it's like it's so true. It's like when you don't have your foundation in place, when you don't have your basic needs met, or you're you're you get you get a wobble in that, you know, like you get an injury or an illness or something. It's like you gotta that's becomes the priority.

Polly Mertens 14:55

So yeah, that's where that resiliency kicks in. One thing I want to mention why people maybe can or are not dreaming. We've talked a lot on the pod about like fear of failure. So some people just don't want to dream big because they're afraid of failing. That is a real thing, and fear of success

Fear Of Failure And Belonging

Polly Mertens 15:15

is a real thing, two sides of the coin there. So that might hold some people back is the judgment associated with failure, personal or external, the fear of success and what that might come with, what sort of package there is there, right? Like, so we do have some people that like to sort of hang out in the gray zone middle, right? I'm not crushing it like the number one person over here on the team or whatever, but I'm also not at the bottom rung, the back of the pack person. You know, I'm gonna stay in here in this little comfort bubble where people don't really look too closely at what I'm doing, and I can just be comfortable that there isn't a lot of additional pressure to either perform or embarrassment from lack of performance. So that's pretty common. We see that actually quite a bit in humans, and maybe somebody listening can identify that they might be hanging out in the bubble. They're leaving a lot of their life on the table, is all I want to say about that before we move on to the next thing. It's like, you know, yeah. Again, just no, no, no. Like there's so much left in your own potential that you're not going to be able to receive what is available for you or tap into if you hang out in that place. So I would just encourage you to step out of that little comfort zone for a hot minute.

Samantha Pruitts 16:40

Yeah, and just to kind of click down a couple, what starts to what I'm present to when you share that is like the fears, let's call it success, failure. That to me is like the root, root, root of that is like I won't be loved. You know, like, oh, if I'm too successful, people won't love me, or if I'm a failure, oh, I won't be loved, right? And then the if I do go for it and I am like different, right? Like, or I I stand out, right, then I won't belong. Right. So those are two human fears. The deeply most core fears that every human being is walking around wired for is the need for love and the need for belonging, right? And so if we, like you said, go into these dimensions. And what's interesting is it's all a construct, right? It's all a construct in our mind. If I do that and this happens, you don't even know. Like we have no idea where the potential is. It's like maybe, maybe not, you know, but we do just like, no, uh, and it's all so below the the the conscious level, you know.

Polly Mertens 17:37

It's like I mean, sometimes it is some people actually verbalize it. Yeah. I have been in a work environment this last year with a team that a lot of it does actually get projected and verbalized. And I'm like, wow, you actually said that out loud. Holy shit. Um, like in instances where teammates saying to other teammates, like, you know, why are you showing off? Why are you overperforming? So trying to put the A-team players like, hey, get back in your place. Oh, I'm gonna push you out of the circle, I'm gonna call you out on your exceptional performance. What the hell is that shit? The opposite, so it's like you're pushing people down, right? Back into the insecurity, yeah. As a group, right, comparison and all that kind of stuff. Or somebody just absolutely flailing, not doing well, and the team not picking that person up and nurturing them back into the team space so they can get their skills, time, focus, energy, whatever recalibrated from the failure back into performance. And unfortunately, I've seen this not just in work environments, even though that's very common, but in family units also, which this is like criminal behavior, you know, because what in the hell are we doing to each other? Give me a freaking break. Right. So changing the culture of a family or a work team, breaking that dysfunction and changing the culture is no shortage of work, but that is critical if you recognize that in the space that you're hanging out in, whether at home, in family, or at work. Don't be afraid to speak up about it and find some support to get the culture shift to manifest. Or you just don't belong in that space and you'll have to exit.

Samantha Pruitts 19:29

Yeah, I would say surround yourself with dreamers and cheerleaders. You know, it's like you got a dream, great, go for it and cheer you. Like everybody's just high-fying the fuck out of whatever you're like, you want that, I want that for you. Get it, you know, and keeping keeping that spirit.

Polly Mertens 19:45

Dude, high fives are worth a million dollars. Today I went to the gym and all the treadmills were busy. It's hot, hot, hot here. So I was like, I gotta go run outside, I gotta run some labs outside. It's like 90 degrees. So I'm like running around the park, and there are some people in the park, and a couple is like this old lady I see all the some people I generally see or like watch out the window, and I went around and high-fived every one of them. Okay, this one, you know, like who are these people? I don't know these people, right? But everybody wants a high five. Okay, I do that with my teammates all the time. It's so fun. So, yeah, give off the good vibes.

Samantha Pruitts 20:19

Yeah, love it, love it, love it.

Polly Mertens 20:21

One you want to talk about that well, actually, I want to save yours for the end. One more before we go to yours. Yeah, a lack of personal self-worth. So an unworthiness will be a reason that somebody doesn't dream. Also, it's a little bit akin to what we just talked about with the fear of success and fear of failure, which is externalized, though, society, other people's judgment,

Unworthiness And The Fear Of Hope

Polly Mertens 20:46

etc. The internal voice is the I'm not worthy, and therefore I should not attempt the dream. Now that is a deep dark undercurrent, very subtle sometimes. People have very little awareness to that possible internal voice, but that mofo will run your life.

Samantha Pruitts 21:12

And oh, I'm I'm I'm getting like like my body is crawling right now, just like thinking that. And I've had those moments. I'm not I like you look, you and I, the stuff we talk about here, this is not like, oh, it happens to everybody else and it doesn't happen to us. Like, nope, nope, you know, you know, been there, done that, or still still doing it, still humaning over here, right? Like, because this next one we'll talk about in the hope direction is like, I was like, oh my God, I gotta like totally call myself out on this, you know. But so yeah, you know, I've been so doing so much work lately around that, you know, monkey mind and just really being, you know, what there's a book, Gary Zuckoff's Seat of the Soul, and there's others out there that really teach like being in your soul, right? And being in your heart space, being not connected to just but because like it's so bizarre. These things we call thoughts, we think that we're it. It's like, we're not that. We're not those thoughts. We're that's you know, like my favorite analogy lately with Ram Doss is like you're the sky and you have clouds passing through, just like thoughts are sort of floating through the sky. They come and they go, and it's like, you're not a cloud. You're for the fucking sky, the whole thing. Like you're all of it. And when I hear what you're just saying, I was like, oh, stop being the let the cloud tell you who to be. You know, it's like just let it go. Let it go. Yeah. So what I wanted to share, anything more on that? I just wondered. No, go, girl. So this was just you know a little research. You know, me and I love like playing around and fact-finding and stuff. So there's this uh study that was done out of where was it? Out of, oh wait, I lost it. Rutgers, I think it was, that the hope. Oh, wait, I lost it. Hope, fear of hope is what they called it. So Rutgers identified something called the fear of hope, and it's the apprehension aroused by feeling hopeful. That almost doesn't seem like a sentence. The apprehension aroused by feeling hopeful. You're like, hopeful makes you feel hopeful. It's like, in some people, it gets a little twisted. And I'm I'm raising my hand here saying I can relate to this. Hope leads to apprehension, right? And so it reflects an implicit coupling of hope and disappointment. So you've linked up in the mind, hope is disappointing. It's like, no, you should right. So that rising aspirations induce feelings of threat. Threat. Not even just like, oh, I'm a little disappointed, but like it's a threat. Like you shouldn't do that. So they found that what often seems like hopelessness in some people is actually a fear of hope. And they're two different things. They say that some of the most painful situations occur for people. And I think I've been there when both hope, which I love, like I love myself some hope, and fear of hope are simultaneous. They're high simultaneously. It's like, have a lot of hope and have a lot of threat caused by the fear of it. It's like, oh, like talk about, you know.

Polly Mertens 24:14

So and does that come from the question, what if? Like, what's the first thing that comes to your brain when you think about linking those two things? When I think about linking them, yeah, like how you just described it when you were talking, the question that kept coming up is like, so what if? So I have hope. So what if, what if, what if, what if, right? Like it's this fear of what's gonna happen next. Or is it the fear of being disappointed?

Samantha Pruitts 24:43

Yeah, I was just gonna say, for me, it's like it's like there's like the disappointment, like the mind throws me back to, oh, you tried that and remember? Wow. Well, you remember when you did that and it didn't work out? Whoa, right. So it's like, do I dare to dream, dare to hope that I could do this? And then, you know, it's like the stacking of the cards against, well, that didn't work out. That didn't work out, but you still like because I I just tend to be a hopeful person. I don't know if it's a genetic trait or whatever, but like I love being hopeful for other people mostly. I'm like, you know, that's what I think makes us great coaches. I'm like, I see that for you, you know, like I was on a call. Everything is possible. So I call this morning with a book, a bookkeeper and a client are working together for the first time. And I'm like, and I'm so glad to see you guys working together. We're gonna like triple this business. You know, I'm just like, I just see so much potential, right? Which is great. And then, you know, you get those, and then if I could just like carve out that part of my brain that remembers the the failure, just be like, just yeah, just eject those out the side. Yeah, they happened. So that's that's you know, do I have a threat of it? I don't maybe I'm not in that. Maybe I'm in a little bit of the hopelessness, not necessarily deep in the fear of hope. So maybe I don't can't.

Polly Mertens 26:03

You know, I'm wondering so much, and I was trying to explore this for myself while you were talking. Is it the experience when it all went terribly wrong that was so painful? And so there's a story attached to that painful moment of being disappointed, being let down, being you know failing, whatever the things were, you know, financial this, relationship, this, the the list could go on and on and on. Trying something and not making it. It could be, you know, I did a race and I ended up in the freaking med 10, I didn't finish right. It could be whatever the thing was that we have either historically one time or repeatedly done, and it hasn't gone well. That we that suffering, we somehow are locked in there, or there's a piece of us on a cellular level that is locked to that pain. So now we try and do something completely different, but we circle back to it now. It's like a scar tissue.

Samantha Pruitts 27:04

And you know, as we were saying that, I was thinking about like the people that are the completely fucking opposite, like two ideas was like Diana Nayad, you know, swam the freaking Key West, you know, Cuba to Key West, like that girl, 30-year dream type of thing. And she failed seven times or something, right? But like she was like at the top of the boat, like, we're doing this, and then like Einstein 10,000 times with the electricity, and yeah, he finally got it, you know.

Polly Mertens 27:29

But so, like, dude, I just watched a movie last night on YouTube. Heads up to anyone who wants to watch this about the Kokodona 250. Ah, so remember, I was supposed to do the Kokodona 250 and I hurt my back. So now I had to, you know, read negotiate, whatever, and I got out of shape. So I am gonna do one of their races again, but I'm not doing the 250. But I've been at it, pasted it, all those things. So there is a movie that just came out on YouTube, and it's so cool. It's against the clock. And so basically, it's about all the people who do not finish or almost finish, or maybe are going to finish. I don't want to give the whole storyline away. And it tracks these people over a couple years, and there is a cluster of them that keep showing up even though they have not finished. Okay, and I have those friends. I've been at those races. I personally haven't done that repeated behavior, but like I can so relate. And watching this is so beautiful, by the way. I can't tell you how it is. I can't tell you how it is. But I was so inspired. Literally, I'm sitting there on my phone simultaneously looking up races. I'm already registered for two races a hundred mile or an eighty mile, but I'm like, oh my god, I gotta go, I gotta get something else. Don't do it, don't do it. Because I so so appreciate with every ounce of my being the struggle, the commitment, the dedication, the drive, the starting and failing, all of it, the whole freaking journey for me. I mean, the race is just like one analogy of this, but I did this with businesses, right? I've had freaking over 10 businesses. Like, this is kind of a little bit of the story of my life. Like, I so love this because I feel so freaking alive in these moments. And you're watching these people, you're bearing witness, and you're going, What's that fool doing? Why are they gonna do that again? That's not gonna go well, you know what I mean? You can you're like predicting for them. How the hell do we know? Totally, and some surprise us and some don't, and whatever. But it's like that's humanity. What in the hell at the core of humanity is evolution, right? So if we evolved and we continue to evolve, isn't this really what we're talking about?

Samantha Pruitts 29:43

Wow, wow. Well, you know, I think about, you know, I've been just I get off in woo-woo land, you know that. And so, you know, off in woo-woo land, talking about our souls and how we incarnate. And I watch all these NDEs, near death experiences, and how people come back. And yeah, you're you still have a purpose here and you still have things to do. And you and I talk about earth school, and I've been learning some other things from these woo-woo moments about earth school. I'm like, it's a fucking thing. Like, it's a real thing. So, what I love is like accurate, yeah. I love see like that. Reminds me of like you're present to somebody else's journey and their whatever struggle, suffer, whatever. But like they came here for that experience that car incarnated so that they could grow through that, whatever it is. And I'm witnessing it is like our growth too. It's right, like, don't you, you know, we see the triumphs on the Olympics or whatever. And it could be small and big, like on a family scale, like somebody finally leaving that job or that person or going and doing the thing that they've always whatever it is, right? Like, and we're so inspired by the things that people are up to in their life, right? Their life school is teaching us or just warming our heart and being and sometimes it like sparks a fire, you know, like that's what you and I hope to do with more is just like ding, like you, you can't, you know. So, like that fear of hope thing, just gotta like it, you know, like like whammy it, you know, and and be present to the the hope is I've I have a thing, and Linda, my mentor, taught me this is like if it feels light, it's right. So if you have hope for something, if it's like if it lights up your soul, if it lights you up, even if it looks hard, whatever, you're like, that looks amazing and freaking hard, you know, like when you told me about trans Rockys, I was like, sounds amazing, damn, you know. But I was a yes for it, right? You just gotta like kill off that, you know, that little gremlin or whatever. And whether it's doubt, you know, I have that little reminder of like, maybe you can't do it, you know, type thing. So just keep going.

Polly Mertens 31:44

You mean that bullshit story? Bullshit.

Samantha Pruitts 31:47

Yeah, totally, totally.

Polly Mertens 31:48

Let's get into how people can start dreaming or dream more, dream bigger, dream higher, etc. I want to kind of introduce a concept called incubation.

Samantha Pruitts 31:59

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Polly Mertens 32:01

Just to kind of define it first because you love definitions and I want to make you happy today. Do you want me to go

Dream Incubation And Clear Intentions

Polly Mertens 32:07

look it up? No, no, you got it. You got it. I go, I'm gonna beat her to it. Incubation. And I love this concept of dream incubation. I love that. Okay, the process of creating optimal conditions for development, incubation, incubation, the process of creating optimal conditions for development. Okay, how again, evolution, like you just think of us as little cells, and then so everything about the human experience, and I would say the natural world, and all of it started and continues with incubation. I'm still in incubation right now, continuing to develop this person in this body. Okay, so I'm on the path, you're on the path. We keep going. So if we think about dreams as part of an incubation process for us, how do we go about the incubation, if you will? So, first we want to start with clear intentions, which could look like a simple statement. Yes, right? Simple. Don't overcomplicate it, fools. Okay, don't make it so well, the only way I'm gonna be winning if it's got the you know, all of these things attached to it, and you know, this whole complex hundred-page dissertation about the damn thing. Okay, keep it simple. Yeah, if it's a health goal or outcome, you know, my dream would be to be in a healthy body with functioning body systems, you know. Like again, keep these things simple. If it's a fitness goal, simplify it. If it's a money goal, simplify it. Relationship goal, whatever. Like, keep it simple. So out of the gate, I really want to stress that.

Samantha Pruitts 34:01

Okay, I agree. I yeah, because I've I've done programs, like I remember doing this course, it was called Lifebook, and it was beautiful and wonderful. And you, I mean, it probably took I think it took six weeks, and you went through like those say six quadrants of your life, and you just really dreamed and you got bit whatever, and you created this big, beautiful life book and stuff, and it was like it was so much, you know. I mean, like I think there's I think there's a place for it, you know. I mean, it had like I had like all these statements, and then I had a collage for each one, and I was like ginormous, and you know, it was just a little, yeah, like you said, I think because I think especially when it's like something you're intending or wanting, dreaming about in the sooner, right? Like it needs to be like top of mind, like you need to be able to say it like it just spills off your tongue because like if it's you know 300 words or you know, paragraphs, keep it simple.

Polly Mertens 34:56

So I agree with you, keep it freaking simple and then write it down or speak it out loud, or both, ideally, both.

Samantha Pruitts 35:04

Declare it. I'm a big fan of declaring it, yeah.

Polly Mertens 35:06

Declare it. So you writing it down is declaring it to yourself, speaking it out loud with somebody that you entrust with your dreams is to speak it out loud into the universe, and the reason obviously it gives it energy. I mean, you and I know, like literally, there will be an energetic response to that. Both of those process, you know, and it's a claiming, yeah. It's me claiming my voice, my truth. That's freaking huge.

Samantha Pruitts 35:36

The power of that, yeah, craziness, madness, you know, and in you know, uh uh metaphysics and whatever in the communication world, we would say that like the the the speaking is only like you know, does a tree uh a tree that falls in the uh forest, does anybody hear it, right? If there's no listening, right? So, you know, God created the world with the spoken word or something like that, right? Like there's like the speaking of things, the translation, it's there's so many dimensions and so many theories on it. So just speaking it, and I really think what's key about what you said is like to people that would be your cheerleader, would believe in it for you, would hold you in a space of you having that, right? Like you like we say, like they you enroll them and you're having gotten that output or that outcome for your life. So love it.

Polly Mertens 36:28

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. This one you kind of touched on, I'll bring it up again is visualizing it. So how will it feel? How will it look? How will it taste? How will it smell? Visualizing it, right? So putting some depth to it, if you will, beyond the sentence or the statement or the words. Like then what does that look like? What does it feel like? How does it taste, smell, etc.? Like adding some sensory elements and using sensory aids. And you mentioned vision board and dream board, which you're a huge dream and vision board person. I mean, I don't know. How many do you have? Come on now, don't be shaking your head, girl. You hundreds, kind of like all the wall over here. You're like, who, me?

Samantha Pruitts 37:11

I have them on my phone, I have them on my wall.

Polly Mertens 37:13

So yeah, and so you can use photos, vision boards, you can do photographs, you can use music. I'm so into the music piece right now, and the amount of energy that comes with the music, and I don't know what's happened with me in music in the last year, but definitely since I've been in this year to live class, like I tapped into music being one of my ways through the process, and it is blowing my mind. So, whatever this looks like for you, right, it could be some other kind of creative way for you to add a sensory element to the dream. Okay, I think that's important.

Samantha Pruitts 37:55

I what just wanted to add, and I I I don't know if you're gonna say this, but and so forgive me if I'm stealing your thunder, but you know, sometimes people think like, gotta have, you know, like wherever if they're coming from a I almost want to say like a dream desert, meaning you haven't had many dreams, you know, and it's like I gotta have an oasis or something, you know, like you're like now you have to have one. It's more so just like like my friend when we were talking this morning about the awe and wonder or the awe walks, right? It was like, he's like, Oh, I need to like, or not need to, but he's like, oh, he was noticing how much of his life was routine and like things looked the same, and he wasn't just having awe just around his house and stuff. So they're like, well, let's go, you know, to a town we haven't visited in a while, and you know, and I was like, Yeah, and just beginning to like claim wonder, like just being able to like open back up because we naturally are creative, you know, imaginative beings. We are baked in, we have a places in our brain that are just baked for imagination, and so it's just like allowing it, just in every day, you know. Like I'll go on a walk and just I'm just so in awe of like flowers, you know, just like look at you grow, you know, or I'm like, oh my god, you know, I remember one of my mentors was like, she'd walk in her garden, like, you're my favorite flower. You're my favorite flower. You know, it's like that's awesome. Okay, like, but having like bring that, like they said, these awe walks, it's like bringing your childlike self to what you're doing. You don't have to go jump on, you know, jump off mountains or do like huge adventures too. It's just a little bit.

Polly Mertens 39:34

Or you can. I mean, you can without stopping you.

Samantha Pruitts 39:37

Yes, yes. And in the everyday, like you and I are like about bringing awesome into everyday. It's like finding your awesome, right? So it's like finding your awe, finding wonder in just like, you know, one of my favorite questions is like, I wonder what's trying to happen here. You know, like that just like puts my mind in a whole different space than like I know, I know, or it's linear, or this is the way that I've the path is going. It's like, well, I wonder what's trying to happen here.

Polly Mertens 40:05

So exactly, exactly. You can also do that through acting, asking random questions of people, whether it's people in your space on the regular or new people, which you know, I do all of that, like, you know, and I will ask the weirdest freaking questions, and I don't know why, but sometimes I'll be like, I don't have a curiosity about so-and-so in this thing. I'm just gonna freaking ask. And then it sparks this whole a other way of me knowing them and relating to them, which has deep value and connection, but also all of a sudden their brain is like off in this other place that is more relating them to what's possible for their life or inquiry around self or whatever it is, you know, relationship to the world and all that stuff. Again, breaking the mold of that everyday routine stuff that we do, whether it's online or at work or whatever the hell it is, you know what I mean? Um, I do think you have to reverse or sorry, rehearse and plan your dreams. So it's just to be clear, we're not saying, hey, law of attraction, just put this thing up on the poster board and they're all gonna go, whoa, here come. You know, we're not saying that. There needs to be a plan, and you do need to rehearse for this plan too. If you want to

Make A Plan And Find Dreamers

Polly Mertens 41:18

be successful doing a thing, you work towards it strategically with the support and resources that you need. And then the rehearsal part is like, maybe you practice little mini versions of this, right? Am I gonna all of a sudden go walloping up and down the 250-mile John Muir trail and be like, God damn, I hope this thing works itself out. I hope, sure, hope this goes well. Or am I like, well, I have this really big, audacious goal, and so I'm gonna spend six months really like researching and planning the logistics and training for it, and then I'm gonna do some practice shakeouts and all that. Of course I'm gonna do that. Yeah, right? That's me investing in my own success. So that is part of it.

Samantha Pruitts 41:59

Yeah, I think that's the dream in action. Like, so like, how do I turn a dream into a reality? You know, that thought that I had. And I think what we're mostly talking about now, maybe this is a future podcast, you know, like what we're talking about now is like permission to dream, you know, and knowing that there might be times when you don't have the space, like we talked about not having the foundation in place. So, okay, get the foundation in place. And then, but it's just like you know, priming that pump again is really what I wanted people to get out of this is like priming that pump, you know. I got this coaching from my coach this last week, was like, I was so certain about, you know, it was like having to know and so certain. And it was like, where's possibility? You know, and I love that word. Like, if you really, really study possibility as a word and a potentiality and like what's possible, and you just like quiet the mind and the all that, that freaking word has so much magic behind it. I'm sure wonder has, you know, I haven't studied the word wonder, like I've studied the word possibility, and I mean it is infinite, it is infinite, and it's just allowing ourselves to tap into that infiniteness, right? Because that's I, you know, we came here as creators, right? So, like we're gifted with that talent. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We all are, we all are.

Polly Mertens 43:16

So last thing before we wrap, and you mentioned it earlier, so I'm gonna close with it is surround yourself with dreamers. God, if you want to become or re-ignite your own dreamer self and once again have hope and dreams for your life, hang out with the dreamers because we rub off on each other. It's like, what a crazy thing you're doing now. What do you want? You know, it's just this constant sort of feeding frenzy with each other energetically around ideas and incubation of ideas and concepts and ideas and dreams that turn into reality and we get to bear witness. And so just being in this space with other dreamers, you will not be able not to dream because they won't allow it. It is not a thing.

Samantha Pruitts 44:07

And I I want to add one maybe adjective is like either there there's there's maybe a difference between a dream weaver and a dream chaser, right? So, like you just can like sit around and some people can just dream, dream, dream, and they never do, right? Like they never. Pursue, or there's like a whole lot of dreams sitting on the shelf that they never picked up and did anything about. And I think there's the dream chasers, what you're referring to, is like the people who are like, that's gonna happen, you know. Like I'm I'm creating it, I'm moving towards it, I'm acting in a way that, you know, whatever, like you talked about, you know, get a plan and stuff. So be a dream chaser, be someone who like realizes their dreams over and over again. That's what I just wanted to add. But yes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And it might be new people, and it might be just you sharing your dreams. And people are like, oh yeah, let's, you know, because like sometimes you can spark somebody else, like, hey, I'm going to get up to this thing. Do you want to do it with me? You know, and it's like, oh yeah.

Polly Mertens 44:59

So, well, you know, I work on REI as one of my projects, right? And do some really fun community stuff with them. And there's this team of people internally, and then there's outdoor community relationships and whatever. But on this internal team, for sure, like these 50-something people all know, like, I'm going to do this, John Muir Trail, as an example. And so every conversation now is like, well, I need to know more. You know, right. So they're watching me prep for this plan, talk about it. They're so excited for me. They want to come along on the journey. Literally, they're like, document the whole thing, and you have to post, and I have to know where you're going, and whatever, you know, the things, right? Because they want to be on the journey too. Because inside of them, yeah, it's not about me. Inside of them, they're seeing, or inside of my story, they're seeing a piece of themselves and they're seeing themselves in the possibility of my journey. Like, I wonder if I could do it. Oh, I'd love to do something like that. Hmm, what about me? Right. So it's that little bit of pixie dust that we do distribute when we are pursuing our own dreams around others to ignite their own possibility. It's really lovely.

Samantha Pruitts 46:10

Yeah. And I think, like you said, it's like allowing other people's thing. Like, you know, it's funny when you talked about you were watching a video about racing and you were all of a sudden looking for more races, you know, and it's like seeing people up to their dreams. So if one of your things could be like you've been in a dream desert for a while, like go be around people who are up to something, whether it's artistry or seeing somebody on stage and they're performing, and that was a lifelong dream, or you with your running or small things. Like I have a garden, you know, and then like I go and hang out with other gardeners and stuff. You know, it's like you just other business owners, yeah.

Polly Mertens 46:46

Like people, entrepreneurs, and we work with this population a lot, and they're totally siloed in their own little world, yeah, trying to figure it all out and make stuff happen. And it's like, okay, you do know you're not the first entrepreneur to like walk onto the planet, right? There's trillions of you probably, but there's definitely millions, and there's definitely thousands in your direct like radar. So, and all we need to do is find a few. So let's just get busy finding.

Samantha Pruitts 47:13

That's true. That's so true. Yeah, and you get so ignited when you hear what people are doing in their business and how they're doing it, and and you just around people that are like want the best for you and you want the best for them, and you're just like, here we go. So it's awesome. Awesome. All right. Well, what's your one do you have a one thing takeaway from today?

Polly Mertens 47:31

What was your like Well, I landed the plan on that, like surround yourself with dreamers because I think that's where for many people is going to be the easiest gateway entry back into becoming a dreamer themselves and being able to foster that way of

Takeaways And Closing Reminders

Polly Mertens 47:47

being for themselves is to be surrounded by it.

Samantha Pruitts 47:52

I guess my one thing, it's maybe one or two. So the one is just check and see if you have dreams and if you are pursuing them. And if you're not, like ask yourself, you know, like there's something in the way, and your natural, like I think our natural tendency as creative souls is to be dreaming and creating, dreaming and creating over and over again. So if you're not, I just want to like be like knock, knock, what's going on over there? Like be in some inquiry and see if you can shed whatever's in the way, whether it's a belief or maybe it's get past, you know, the hurdle of over overstretched, overtapped nervous system or something. And get back out with us, dreamers. Like come hang out with us, you know. Like we want you back, we want you out of that place. So that's what I gotta say.

Polly Mertens 48:37

Be in incubation.

Samantha Pruitts 48:39

Yeah, nice.

Polly Mertens 48:40

Put yourself in the incubator, be in incubation.

Samantha Pruitts 48:44

Love it. All right, what's our what's what do you want to wrap with? Tell them what we always tell them, please.

Polly Mertens 48:49

How your crazy, messy, sometimes painful, often very hilarious life feels is more important than how it looks.

Samantha Pruitts 48:59

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome. Love you guys.

Polly Mertens 49:03

See you next week.